


Pieces

by Recalcitrant_Slytherin_Slut



Series: Shattered Mirrors [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Original Work
Genre: Coping, Depression, F/M, Gen, Grief, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Talk of Suicide, Triggers, basically all the things that come with a handful of teenager who survived a war, dark themes, self destructive behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 31,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recalcitrant_Slytherin_Slut/pseuds/Recalcitrant_Slytherin_Slut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lena Grey is being held together by Dreamless Sleep and Spell-o-Tape; but with the help of some unlikely counterparts, Lena might just find that rock bottom? Is as good a place as any to begin rebuilding her life.<br/>Or.<br/>What happens when a Slytherin fights for The Light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Going Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically me venting my frustration at the stupid stigmas this fandom insists on. Also, I feel like we need to take a good hard look at how the war actually affected the bunch of CHILDREN that were forced to fight it.  
> Oh, and I took some liberties with technology, because this is fanfiction, and I can.  
> All my love, enjoy!
> 
> "Coversation"  
> 'Internal monologue'
> 
> *Anything you recognize from the Harry Potter verse Does Not belong to me. I just threw a bunch of original characters in a made up world to prove a point.*

 Lena shot bolt upright, her gaze empty as the sights and sounds of the battle receded to the recesses of her mind, once more.

 She blinked slowly several times before realizing that any further attempts at sleep were hopeless, and instead made her way over to the window seat across the room. She grabbed the throw blanket there and pulled it over her slender shoulders before turning to watch the first strains of dawn pinken the inky sky.

 As she muffled another yawn, she almost wished she had caved and taken the damn potion the night before. But, today she was going back to school and she refused to drag an addiction with her. 'Well, another addiction' She thought wryly as she leaned forward to dig the pack of muggle cigarettes and a lighter from behind the pillows at her feet.

 Propping the large window open, Lena tried to soak up the last few moments of utter stillness that comes with the dawn. It's what kept her going these days, finding beauty in the little things.

 "Lenny?" A soft voice whispered from the doorway.

 "Come in Gaius. I was just enjoying the sunrise." She turned back to the window and took a long drag from the lit cigarette braced in her hand.

 "Did you sleep well?" Her brother prodded, still whispering as he ran gentle fingers through her long hair.

 "Quite well, you?" Another long pull.

 "Well enough. Why are you up so early?" He nudged her over so he could sit down.

 "Nerves, I suppose." She replied with forced levity.

 "If you aren't ready we can-"

 Lena cut him off. "I'm never going to be ready. But, I wasn't ready for a war either. Or The Battle. Or the aftermath. You can't coddle me, Gaius. Fact is, we all had to do many things we weren't ready to do these last few years. What's one more?" She reasoned. 

* * *

 Platform 9&3/4 was the usual madhouse. Mothers clutching soon to be first years to their bosoms while shouting reminders at the elder children. 

 Gaius kept a guiding hand on his sister's back as he led her through the crowds, shielding her from the distrustful and sometimes, down right hateful glares as much as possible.

 "Please stop fretting. You'll worry yourself into an early grave, you keep it up." Lena murmured so only he would hear. When all he did was tense, she sighed "I'll be alright, Gaius. I can take care of myself, you know."

 "Just keep your head down, your mouth shut, and your grades up. I want you home in one piece."He replied solemnly.

 Lena rolled her eyes before stopping and pulling her brother to face her. His eyes were weary when she finally managed to connect their gazes. "I will be fine, Gaius. Give Penelope my love. I'll see you for Yule." He held her tightly, whispering odds and ends reminders into her ear. She finally managed to extract herself and boarded the train, turning to give him a final wave before disappearing to find a compartment. 

 He couldn't help but wonder if maybe the war had been preparing her for this year. 

* * *

 

 Lena found it amusing, in a cynical sort of way, how beautiful Hogwarts looked in the fading light of day. Ten years from now children would come here with nothing but remembered stories of a battle they were too young to comprehend. But Lena could never forget. These grounds would always be saturated in blood. 

 Looking around, she saw she wasn't the only one thinking such terrible things. Most every higher year student had a haunted look to them. Some going pale as they passed certain places. Perhaps remembering a duel, or a fallen comrade. 

 Lena worked the lump from her throat. She knew it would be hard, but she had somewhat underestimated exactly how hard. She hadn't been expecting the guilt that threatened to drown her as she looked at the memorial on the edge of the forest. A little marble thing with the names of those lost during The Final Battle of Hogwarts. 

 She made a mental note to pick up a book on survivors guilt from the library.

* * *

  "If I may have your attention please!" Headmistress McGonagall called for order from the podium. "Thank you. To our new students welcome, to those returning, welcome back. A few announcements before you're released for the evening. 

The Forbidden Forest is off limits to anyone Fifth Year and younger. All Weasley products are banned." These rules were given with a stern look from the formidable witch. "Now, in light of last year, a few thing have changed. Beginning with your education. For everyone second year and above, whether you attended last year or not, you will be given an extra year at Hogwarts. Your eighth year will be largely an independent study. You will work on your own to prepare yourselves for your NEWT examinations. You will, of course, be assigned a faculty advisor to monitor your progress and any tutoring you may require is available upon request." 

 Lena supposed this made sense. She wasn't relishing an extra year here but she had already figured something like this would happen.

 "We have also decided to bring a mind healer on staff for anyone who   needs someone to speak with." The healer was introduced as Sarah Presbury, and was a petite blond with a pretty face. "Please do not hesitate to seek help. It was also decided it would be in the best interest of anyone involved in the Final Battle to know that the staff will be lenient with attendance." Her gaze softened as she looked over some of the older students. "Please know that we are always here. We must help one another heal if we ever hope to find happiness in this world again." The Headmistress' voice cracked and Lena felt her throat tighten. 

 They were dismissed for the night and as Lena walked along with the meager handful of returning Slytherins, she couldn't help but feel like they were all in for one hell of a year.

 


	2. Some Days Taste Like Lemonade (Some Days Feel Like Razorblades)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I gave up writing chapter summaries. They're basically never accurate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started posting this originally like a week ago and I read it and hated it SO I scrapped it and started over. This is a second (actually, technically third) attempt.  
> All my love, enjoy!  
> -RSS  
> *Not mine, yada yada, Everything belongs to JK Rowling. I just made up a bunch of characters and unceremoniously tossed them into this world.*

 The students of Hogwarts seemed to be stuck somewhere between awe and distrust, and frequently found themselves feeling both simultaneously where Lena was concerned. They couldn't decide whether they appreciated her war efforts, or if they should be searching for an ulterior motive. 

 Lena, for her part, pretty much ignored everyone. She slipped by all but unnoticed, never speaking up in class, rarely showing up for meals. Even in the library she would sit in the back corner, away from everyone else.

 This is where Reese Penn stumbled upon her about a week into term. He pretended to search through the dusty tomes while sneaking looks at her.

 "You're about as subtle as a heart attack." A cool, aristocratic drawl informed him. He hung his head for a moment, cheeks flaming at having been caught before he sent her a crooked smile over his shoulder. 

 "I was trying to see which book you had, I'm looking for one to reference for my uh Transfiguration essay." He bluffed.

 Lena stood and gathered her things. As she passed Reese, she paused to pull a book off the shelf and press it to his chest. "Never become a spy." She advised before heading out of the stacks. She stopped at the head of the aisle and turned so he had a clear view of her profile "that book should be what you're looking for, but if not I would suggest reviewing Gamp's Law with a particular focus on the five exceptions." With a parting nod, she was gone. 

* * *

 Lena tossed her satchel onto her bed without looking as she headed for her wardrobe. She stopped midstep as the charm someone had placed on her four poster broke at the weight of her bag.

 'Please, Merlin _please_ tell me that wasn't  _water_ I just heard' She begged before turning to survey the damage. Yep. Her bag and bed were both soaked through. 

 This was one of the more tame pranks she'd had to deal with since being back. None of them had been harmful, so far, just designed to irritate her. But they were annoying and, often, time consuming to reverse. This was one of those times. 

 "Need some help?" A soft voice called from the doorway.

 Lena turned and gave the girl standing there a rare smile before shaking her head. "Get out of here, Arianna before someone catches you talking to me." 

 Arianna's mouth tightened before she tossed her flame colored hair. "You forget that I don't give a fuck what anyone else sees."

 Lena gave a soft snort. "Delicate as always Ari. Seriously though, get out of here." 

 "Why are you so determined to push everyone away?" The fiery girl asked sadly.

 "I just don't want to drag you into my mess. You remained neutral in the war for a reason. I chose a side, and now I have to face the consequences of those decisions." She explained calmly. "And... I need some time Ari. I just... I haven't felt like I belonged here since the war started. And after the battle... I feel caught in the middle, you know? And I'm still trying to figure out how to live again. I keep going through the motions praying that one of these days I'll start to feel it again. Please, Ari, just give me a little more time."  The request carried across the room in an almost whisper. And despite the reserved tone, Arianna knew Lena. She could hear the devastation in every unsaid word. 

 With a curt nod, Arianna left Lena to finish magicking her linens dry.

* * *

 Midnight found Lena situated in the only window in the dungeons that didn't face the Black Lake, smoking. Since coming back, sleeping had been a nightmare. Between being back in the castle for the first time, and fighting through the withdrawal from Dreamless Sleep, it was safe to say insomnia had taken a firm hold.

 "You're breaking about a half dozen school rules right now, you know." A voice sounded from the darkness behind her.

 In one smooth motion, her cigarette was flicked out the window, the intruder was pressed between her body and the cold stone wall, and her wand was digging into the soft flesh of their throat. 

 "Make that a dozen." The voice choked out. A quick lumos revealed the same boy from the library earlier, his arms held up in a gesture of surrender. Her eyes darted down to the shiny Prefect badge gleaming on his chest.

 "I understand that your house isn't exactly known for its brilliance, but even you should realise how dangerous it is to sneak around a school full of war veterans at midnight." She murmured before releasing him. She turned to pull herself back up onto the window ledge, a fresh cigarette already pillowed on her bottom lip. 

 The Hufflepuff sat next to her on the ledge. "I'm Reese Penn." He offered, somewhat shyly.

 Lena made a noise of acknowledgment as she released a thin stream of bluish smoke into the crisp Autumn night. "Lena Grey." She finally responded.

 "I know. You... You don't remember me, do you?" He asked softly.

 "Should I?" Her eyebrows pulled down in confusion.

 "You saved my life during the Battle." He responded, sounding almost reverent.

 "Did I? I don't recall." She searched the boys face, trying to spark her memory.

 "From a veritable herd of Dementors. Down by the Quidditch Pitch." He supplied helpfully.

 She shook her head "Not ringing any bells. You're sure it was me?"

 "Positive. Not like there were many Slytherins fighting for the Light." He pointed out. "Well, thank you, either way. I really appreciate you stopping to help me." He finished sincerely.

 Lena inclined her head in acknowledgment.

 They sat in near comfortable silence for several long minutes.

 "What's it like to smoke?" Reese asked curiously as he watched Lena light yet another cigarette.

 Without even moving her head from where it rested against the window frame, she held the lit fag out toward the curious badger. "Do not draw the smoke directly into your lungs. Pull it into your mouth, then breathe it in from there. You will cough." She instructed monotonously.

 As predicted, Reese coughed steadily for half a minute after that first drag. But, he was a Hufflepuff, and they were nothing if not determined. So he kept at it until his throat and lungs numbed to the acrid burn.

 When it became clear she wasn't getting it back, she pulled a fresh smoke from the pack and used her wand to light it. 

 A few minutes later had Reese's head spinning as he flicked the finished butt out the window. His hand hovered over the pack uncertainly. Lena nodded and nudged the pack closer to his hand.

 "Be careful. Too much and you'll get sick." She warned as he lit up. He nodded his understanding.

 They didn't talk after that. Just shared a window, and a pack. And it was most perfect.


	3. Born to Gaze Into Night Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never. Accurate. Literally never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you appreciated the pun last chapter (I'm not even a little bit sorry)  
> :D  
> All my love, enjoy!  
> -RSS
> 
> *Standard disclaimer. Any and all recognizable elements of the Harry Potter verse do not belong to me.*
> 
> Oh, house points to anyone that can name the song the chapter titles come from. Bonus if you know the band. Mad respect if you can give me the next line.

 It became a thing. It wasn't supposed to, but it did. 

 On any given night, you could find the unlikely duo perched on the dungeon window ledge, sharing a smoke and maybe a story or two. They would stay like that until the first fingers of dawn clawed its way over the horizon, forcing them back to their dorms before their absences were noted.

 Tonight, Reese was already there waiting when Lena showed up. She didn't say a word as she cast a nonverbal cushioning charm on the ledge before pulling herself up.

 "How was your day?" She murmured as she passed him the pack.

 "Long. Yours? You look tired." At the raise of a perfectly arched eyebrow, he amended his statement. "More tired than usual."

 She snorted indelicately. "I'm fine. Didn't get a nap today. I saw you earlier... You were headed for an empty classroom. I was going to check on you but I figured you wouldn't be interested in my help."

 "I just needed a minute alone. It's overwhelming sometimes. Being with so many people again. My family had been in hiding since Yule. And then the battle. I spent the summer with my grandparents in the country. Sometimes I find myself losing my grip a bit. It's worse in a crowd." He replied softly. "I wouldn't have minded your company though. You're practically the only person I feel comfortable with anymore."

 Lena looked at Reese sadly. Their relationship was a complicated one. Their days were spent pretending. Pretending to be indifferent, pretending to be strong, to be okay, to be impassive, aloof, unchanged. But their nights, the nights were their own. Reese didn't expect anything of Lena, and she allowed him the freedom of just being. They smoked. They talked, or they didn't. But they always spent them together. Since the first night when he thanked her and she taught him to smoke.  

 "Still struggling with Oliver and Percy?" She asked sympathetically. He had told her a few weeks ago how different things were between him and his two closest friends. 

 "Yeah. But, I get it. Percy lost a lot of family during the war. And Oliver... He still can't find his parents, you know? We're all dealing with so much. I just don't think we know how to be best friends anymore. We're all different people now." He shrugged.

 Lena pulled a deep drag in, debating her next words. "I knew the Bones family sustained heavy casualties. There isn't much I can do there but... I know some people who might be able to help your Oliver. If his parents are alive they'll find them, if they aren't, they'll at least be able to give him some closure." She offered shyly. 

 "I can't ask that of you. They aren't your friends." Reese smiled "but thank you."

 "But they are important to you. And if I can help, then why shouldn't I? I have the power to find his parents. He deserves to know, Reese." Lena reasoned.

 "You're going to have to meet them. You can't just go around fixing people's lives without knowing them." 

 Lena sighed softly, before leaning to rest her head against Reese's shoulder. He switched his cigarette to his opposite hand before wrapping his arm around the Slytherin's slender shoulder.

 "Okay." She finally acquiesced.

* * *

  "Wait, you want to introduce us to someone?" Percy asked at breakfast the next morning. "Why?"

 "Because. She's important to me, okay? And..." He turned to look at Oliver. "She wants to help find your parents." 

 He held his breath as he waited for the Ravenclaw's reaction. 

 Oliver slowly turned dead eyes on his, once, closest friend. "What do you mean she wants to help?"

 "Besides, aren't you gay?" Percy questioned in confusion.

 The other two boys turned to stare at the Gryffindor. "What the Hell does my sexual orientation have to do with anything?" Reese asked almost angrily. "She's from an influential Pureblood family. She knows people who can find them." He directed toward Oliver.

 "You said she was important to you." Percy defended himself.

 "Thank you, Percy, for always pointing out the important things for us. I appreciate it." Reese snapped at him. "She is important to me. Just, please, be nice okay?" He begged.

* * *

 Lena walked into the Great Hall at midday for the first meal in what felt like forever. Usually she just grabbed something from the kitchen whenever she found herself hungry. 

 Instead of walking towards the Slytherin table to join her scattered housemates, she paused in the doorway to look for Reese. 

 He stood and motioned her to join him at the Hufflepuff table. 

 Introductions were made and Lena found herself seated next to Oliver, Reese across from her, Percy to her left diagonal.

 "So. Reese said you want to help me find my parents. Why?" Oliver asked bluntly, barely sparing her a glance.

 "Because I have the means to." She responded, her tone bespoke of a bred elegance that drew a clear line between herself and them.

 "So? What, trying to clean up your family name by taking on a charity case?" Oliver inquired coldly.

 Lena sucked air through her teeth before responding carefully. "I don't need to clean up my family name. Everyone except myself remained neutral in the war. I don't see you as a charity case. I just know that if my parents went missing, I would appreciate all the help I could get in finding them."

 "But your parents didn't go missing! You don't understand!" 

 "Oh of course not! No one understands you, do they?" She mocked scathingly before leaning in slightly "my father was tortured by a group of Death Eaters while I was hidden in his liquor cabinet. I heard every scream, every plea for his life. I watched the blood ooze from his body, the life leave his eyes from a crack in the door. So don't you dare pretend that you're suffering is so much greater than everyone else's! We've all been to Hell and back over the last few years! Now, I am sorry for what you've gone through, but I am offering to help. I can't promise you that they'll come back alive, but I can at least give you closure."

 Oliver stared at her with wet, hazel eyes before nodding once.

 


	4. The Girl Who Destroys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *dances around singing*  
> Oh. Hello there. So. New chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh if you squint you might find a tiny bit of fluffy bonding up in here as well as some flashbacks WHICH WILL ALWAYS BE IN ITALICS. Just so we're clear there.

 Lena took Friday evening to send a letter to Blaise Zabini. With any luck, she would hear back from him the following morning; and he could start the search for Oliver's parents by weeks start. 

 "Hey." A low voice greeted from the entrance of the owlery.

 Lena spun to see Percy's bulky frame filling the doorway. "Hello." She replied shyly, turning back to finish attaching the missive to Apollo, her Eagle Owl.

 "I think it's great, what you're doing for Oliver." Percy scuffed the toe of his boot against the filthy floor.

 "He deserves to know." She reiterated for what felt like the millionth time in the past twenty four hours. "If... if there's anything I can help you with, please don't hesitate to ask." She offered.

 Percy gave her an empty smile. "Unless you can bring back the dead..."

 Lena cocked her head as if thinking deeply. "There are a few books on necromancy in the family library. Dark stuff, but it might do the trick."

 Percy gaped at her, eyes wide and almost fearful.

 "I'm kidding, Percy. I would never lend you those books, they're worth more than this castle." She teased with a smirk.

 Percy answered with a bright smile "I knew you had a sense of humour in there somewhere!" He became thoughtful after a moment and asked quietly "did you really watch your father being tortured to death?"

 "Yes. I was 14." She replied in a detached tone.

 "What happened?" He inquired softly.

*****

_"Lena darling! Would you come here please? There are a few things I want to give you before you leave in a few days." Her father's voice called through her bedroom door._

_She had just finished packing her trunk and groaned softly at the thought of having to make room for whatever he had. 'Probably books' She thought dispassionately, wondering if she could leave them hidden under her bed. 'Probably not' She sighed before moving to the mirror to fix her hair. Her father hated when she looked rumpled._

_"Where's ma mere?" She inquired as she swept into her father's study. She pulled up short when she saw the two young men sitting by the fire._

_"I assume you know Mr. Malfoy and his friend, Mr. Zabini?" Her father introduced, watching her face closely._

_"Yes, of course. They're acquaintances of Theodore's." She informed her father before turning to the two fellow Slytherins, suddenly incredibly thankful she had stopped to fix her appearance. "Good evening, gentlemen. I trust you are well?" Lena asked in a polite, refined tone._

_"Quite." Zabini answered with an equally polite smile. "And yourself? Theo was telling us just this morning that you had been ill. He's been very concerned for you."_

_"A respiratory infection. I'm quite well now. Nothing a few potions and some bed rest couldn't fix. Theo has always been overly worried where I'm concerned." Lena replied with an indulgent smile for her betrothed._

_"As well he should be. If you were my betrothed I would never let you out of my sight, Theo is very lucky indeed." Blaise returned warmly._

_Lena blushed prettily at the compliment, murmuring a gentle 'thank you'_

_"Please sit Miss. Grey. We have much to discuss." Malfoy finally spoke up, indicating the only open arm chair left. As soon as she settled in he began explaining why he and Blaise were there._

_"So you see why you've been informed, Miss. Grey. The situation is-" Malfoy searched for the proper word. "delicate. We wish to try and minimise the collateral damage. In order to ensure your safety, you must be presented to The Dark Lord at Yule." He finished some fifteen minutes later._

_Lena nodded calmly. "We are planning my coming out for Winter Break. As soon as I have been presented to society I will be prepared to present for_  him. _"_

_Malfoy nodded, understanding the need for such formalities. It was considered improper, in Pureblood society, for a young woman to be introduced to her bonded's business partners without having first been presented to society. Draco supposed that formality extended to your fiance's evil overlord as well._

_"Theo, Blaise, and myself will be teaching you occlumency. You must work hard to master it by Yule. The Dark Lord is a master Legilimens. If you hope to survive you must protect your mind." Draco informed her forcefully._

_Lena nodded once, firmly. Before Draco dismissed her._

_She closed the door behind her softly before heading for the alcove down from the study. Gaius had taught her a spell to enhance your hearing. It was supposed to be for helping you hear your escort while in a crowded room, such as a ball, but Lena found it was also very good for eavesdropping. Besides, she had mastered it wandlessly and wandless magic always registered as accidental at the ministry._

_Making herself comfortable, she tuned in to their conversation._

_"You've done a marvelous job with her, Augustus. She is the epitome of Pureblood debutante. Blaise said it best, Theo is a very lucky man." Malfoy complimented, Lena felt her cheeks heat at the praise._

_"More than that, she is strong and unreadable. Cold almost, that will serve her very well in front of The Dark Lord. It will earn her his respect. If she plays her part well, she might even gain his admiration." Blaise chipped in._

_"We don't want that Blaise. It would put Theo at risk. We must be careful how we dress her. The Dark Lord, for all his failings, is not blind to beauty. And she is an incredible creature. If he desires her, he will dispose of Theo to eliminate any sense of obligation or attachment." Malfoy quickly interjected. "Our goal is to get the six of us through the war in one piece."_

_'Six?' Lena puzzled before it suddenly clicked. Of course. She had heard that Draco had made an offer for Astoria's hand. Why was beyond Lena, but to each his own she supposed. And Blaise was promised to some French Pureblood bloke he had never met. Though everyone knew Blaise was bent, it had caused a bit of a scandal when the betrothal had been announced. Despite homosexuality being widely accepted in Wizarding society it was still somewhat frowned upon in their circle, where everything was about furthering a pure blood line. She had heard his promised was a carrier though, so that was something she supposed._

_She quickly tuned back in when Draco took on a business like tone._

_"Theo will be here tomorrow morn with a missive from The Dark Lord. He wishes you to join his ranks. I will not tell you what you should do, but should you refuse him, prepare yourself and your family to go into hiding. We will keep Lena safe, you have our word, but we can't do much for the rest of your family."_

_Lena gasped softly. Join his ranks? But her father was a good man. He didn't deserve that brand._

_After several minutes and softly spoken farewells, the sound of floo signaled her fiance's best friends' departure._

* * *

  _The evening before she was to return to school, Lena was sitting with her father in his study, helping him reorganize the bookshelves. There were several tomes he wanted her to take with her, it was just a matter of finding them. Her mother and Gaius had gone to Diagon Alley to pick up some last minute things she would need for term._

_They were laughing as Augustus told his favorite daughter stories of his Hogwarts days. He had been a Ravenclaw, much to his father's dismay. But despite the houses reputation for all work, no play, it seemed they were expert pranksters; her father had her in stitches over a prank involving changing all the uniforms in the seventh year boy's dorm to skirts and blouses that only shrank with every attempt to change them back._

_He was in the middle of describing the Head Boy in a miniskirt when they heard it; the shrill alarm that told them someone was attempting to breach the wards._

_Her father pulled a panel in the wall open, his hidden liquor stores. "Lena, get in here." When she hesitated he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the closet. "Come now, love. It's alright. Just stay in here until they're gone. Listen to me. No matter what you see or hear_  do not _come out. You understand? I am ordering you to stay here._ " _He kissed her forehead and murmured a quick 'I love you, darling, don't be afraid.' Into her hair while he held her close before pushing her into the cramped cabinet and shutting her in. He then moved over to his desk and adopted a disinterested position._

_Lena could see through a gap where the panel met the wall, and watched as five Death Eaters swarmed the room, their black robes swishing round them and whispering across the hard wood flooring._

_Lena recognized Bellatrix Lestrange, despite the skeletal mask, from the posters that had started circulating her second year. She felt her blood run cold as one of the others disarmed her father, his laurel and Dragon core wand arching through the air._

_"Where's your family this evening?" Bellatrix asked in her cold, slightly less than_ _sane, drawl._

_"Out shopping. My youngest returns to school tomorrow and she required new robes." August replied in a frigid tone._

_"Shame. We were looking forward to having some fun. I believe you called dibs on little Theo's virgin, did you not Rowle?" She turned to one of her counterparts. A tall, thin man with watery blue eyes who nodded in confirmation._

_Lena felt her stomach turn at the thought, quickly swallowing the flood of saliva that usually indicated she was about to be sick._

_Her father remained silent, glaring at his daughter's would-be rapist._

_"Have you considered our Lord's generous offer?" Bellatrix inquired in a business like tone._

_"I have." Her father replied, still not removing his glare from Rowle._

_"And?" She prompted._

_"I regret to say, I must decline." Her father returned, finally turning his unimpressed gaze on the deranged witch._

_"That's too bad." She replied in a mock of sincerity before sending the first crucio her father's way._

_It was the longest hour of her life. She felt nauseated but decided it was her job to bear witness. To remember. To know that her father remained true to his morals and took his punishment. The tears flowed soundlessly down her porcelain cheeks._

_Theo found her several hours later, sitting on the floor of the cupboard with her hands clamped over her ears, trying to block out screams she wasn't aware only echoed in her mind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A carrier is a male wizard that is genetically equipped to conceive and carry with minimal risk, as opposed to using a fertility potion which poses huge risk to the pregnant male.


	5. Consumed By The Gears In Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, the chapter titles have very little to do with the chapter. Oh, and I cut out the torture scene I had written. I might post it later on as a one shot along with Theo's reaction to finding Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Not mine. All recognizable elements of the Harry Potter verse is the property of Miss. Jk Rowling.*

 Reese moaned as he all but collapsed against the petite Slytherin, pining her between the window frame and himself. "Nicotine I need-" he was cut off as a lit fag was shoved between his full lips, Lena having to twist awkwardly to reach his face.

 "Would you move? You're squishing me!" She complained petulantly, pushing fruitlessly against the solid Hufflepuff's shoulder.

 "Shhhh." He mumbled around the smoke, moving so they were both comfortable, but no further apart. "Just cuddle with me for a bit." He nuzzled the top of her head fondly.

 'Whole bloody house are a bunch of cuddle-whores.' Lena sighed in exasperation, but wrapped her arm around his waist. Looking up into the teen's green eyes, she then rested her cheek against his chest, drawing in his scent. Cigarettes, soap, L'Homme by YSL (she had asked several weeks ago who his cologne was by), and something that was just inherently him. After spending so many nights together, his smell was as familiar as it was comforting. 

  The late October night was chilly with a brisk wind, turning the tips of their noses red. Reese tightened his grip reflexively when Lena shivered, swinging his cloak around her shoulders and began layering warming charms over the both of them. "Better?" He whispered. She nodded against his chest and snuggled in closer. "And I'm the cuddle-whore"he chuckled as he lit them both fresh cigarettes.

  "What are you thinking about?" He inquired after several minutes of silence. Lena didn't have much to say on a good night, but even this quiet was unusual for her.

 "Theo." She replied simply, falling silent once again.  

 He nodded thoughtfully. He knew this was a subject he couldn't force. He just had to wait for her to come to him.

 It was several hours before either of them broke the silence. 

 "He was a good man." She whispered fiercely to the sky. Her words carrying to the heavens on the fog of her breath in the stillness of the cold autumnal night.

 "I know." He reassured her. "You wouldn't have loved him if he hadn't been."

 "Love." She corrected.

 "What?"

 "You said 'loved'. I love him. Present tense. Just as much today as I did a year ago, as I will a year from now." 

 Reese felt his eyes tear at the admission. He prayed that he experienced that kind of love some day. The kind that made you feel certain and utterly wrecked all at once, the kind death couldn't even touch. His heart tugged as he realized that she had already experienced, and lost it.

 "I know." He said again. There was nothing else to say. No words that would make this better. So he just held her a little bit tighter, and promised himself that he would make sure she always felt loved.

* * *

 Dearest Lena,

     It was wonderful to hear from you again! When is your next Hogsmead weekend? I would love to meet you for lunch, catch up. 

 Phillipe and I are doing well. We will marry this summer. You are, of course, invited to attend. He sends his fondest regards, and hopes you have time over Yule to discuss wardrobe options for the wedding. (Better you than me, love.)

 Now, onto business; your request greatly surprised me, but I have already begun to do some digging. If you could, there is another sheet of parchment with some questions. I'll need you to get me the requested information before I can go much further.

 As far as owing me a favor, you insult me. You are as good as family to me, Lena. I require nothing from you but your unconditional love. 

 I hope this letter finds you well, darling. Keep your chin up, tomorrow will be better.

All My Love,

Blaisius M. Zabini

* * *

 "What's this then?" Oliver asked as Lena slid a sheet of parchment under the edge of his plate at dinner.

 "I need you to get me the answers to those questions as soon as possible. And don't spare details." She replied, nibbling on a dinner roll.

 "Who is Blaisius?" Percy craned his neck to read over the parchment.

 "You know him better as Blaise." Lena replied, pulling out a quill to begin her response to him, smiling at the thought of sharing lunch with him at The Three Broomsticks like they used to. "Does anyone know the date of the next Hogsmead weekend, it's sometime in November, yes?" The silence that greeted her question caused her to glance up. 

 "What?" She inquired at the dumbfounded looks the other three were giving her.

 "Blaise Zabini? Death Eater Blaise Zabini?" Oliver demanded incredulously.

 "I'm going to assume by your tone that you have a problem with that." Lena responded flatly, turning in her seat to face him more fully.

 "Damn right I do! I'm not handing _personal information_ over to a _Death Eater_!" He shouted, drawing the attention of those around them.

 "Then you're not going to find your parents." She responded coldly. "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters! Some found themselves without a choice. I wonder how you would feel about me if I told you I met Voldemort, on multiple occasions. Dined with him. I wonder what you would say if I told you that he held me in high esteem, wished for more women to emulate me. I wonder how you would react if I told you that that monster of a man _adored_ me, and frequently paid me compliments. This war wasn't as black and white as Dumbledore wanted you all to believe. Yes, there was good and evil. But isn't there always? I want you to remember that while you ambled through the war, high on the fumes of your own self righteousness, condemning everyone who dared to question your clearly superior morals; there were some of us forced to wade through never ending shades of grey. Forced to straddle the line, to do what we could without getting ourselves or our loved ones killed. So I apologize if I'm not interested in your righteous indignation over needing the help of a Death Eater. As far as I'm concerned, you can take your holier than thou attitude and fuck yourself with it." Lena spat furiously.

 Across from her, Reese jerked at the filthy word as it spilled from her mouth. He was torn between taking her out for a smoke, and watching the drama unfold. On the one hand, he had never heard her curse like that and knew that it couldn't be good news. On the other... Well she was right. The war was a lot more complicated than the Us vs Them mentality everyone seemed to have adopted. The decision was made for him when Lena snatched her bag up and swept out of the Great Hall, seemingly blind to the way Oliver worked his jaw in soundless fury; trying, and failing, to come upwith an adequate rebuttal to her very public rebuke.

 "Get her the information she needs." Reese instructed him.

 He left to go find his best friend. After that, they could probably both use a cigarette. 

 

 

 


	6. Tell Me, Do You Still Have Pieces of Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Lena got a tad testy with Oliver last chapter. Let's see what's up here. (Did I mention that I don't actually have this written out? That's why I gave up on chapter summaries, I didn't even know what the hell was gonna happen.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's my own sheer force of will that keeps me posting this.
> 
> *Any and all recognizable elements of the Harry Potter verse do not belong to me. They do, however, belong to Ms. JK Rowling, bless her.*

 Reese caught up with Lena down by the lake. He wordlessly handed her a cigarette and pulled her to sit with him on the shore.

 "I'm sorry I yelled at him." Lena whispered around a mouthful of smoke. 

 "I'm not. You were right. We made things black and white because it was the only way we could justify. If all Death Eaters were bad then killing them was the right thing to do. So we pretended. We ignored the little voices in the back of our heads. And, at the end of it all, how does that make us any more right than them? We held onto our morals and said "we are superior because we're doing the right thing." But I don't think any of us had the first fucking clue about what the right thing was. How were we supposed to? All we had was Dumbledore's word and whatever pieces of truth you could dissect from The Prophet. I mean, sure, some of us went into hiding, lost family, suffered through a Death Eater infested Hogwarts. But there was never any direction. Then all of a sudden bam! Final Battle. I know we weren't all the center of prophesies or the stuff of legends but some honesty would have been fucking nice. Just one person to tell us what the hell was going on. We were all so young, so confused. Fighting for, what? Freedom. But mostly for Potter. At least that's what it felt like half the time." Reese ranted bitterly.

 Lena chuckled, shaking her head. "You were fighting for your ideals. You just weren't old enough to really get it. Voldemort would have absolutely destroyed the world as we know it. He would have wiped out magic. There weren't enough Purebloods left to support his utopia. But most of you wouldn't have understood that, not because you lacked a leader, but because you aren't Pureblood. You don't know how truly few our numbers are because you aren't one of us. See the problem? For all of us being from the same world, we don't know shit about one another. If we want to keep this from happening again, we need to educate everyone. We need to form one cohesive society. But, I digress. When you were fighting, you were doing so because standing with the other side wasn't a decision you could live with. Because you saw the violence and depravity that Voldemort's reign wrought and that wasn't a world you wanted to live in. You didn't need a leader, you saw for yourself what the world would become under a mad man's reign. You made the decision you could live with, there's no shame in that."

  "What about you? Did you make the decision you could live with?" Reese asked as he pulled her into his side.

 "No." Lena chuckled "Rather, I made the decision that kept me alive."

 "Don't say it like that. It makes you sound like a coward, and you are a lot of things but that isn't one of them."

 Reese and Lena whipped around, reaching for wands at the third voice.

 "Merlin, Percy! Wear a fucking bell!" Reese exclaimed, as Lena relaxed back against him.

 "Sorry, didn't mean to startle anyone." Percy murmured sheepishly, high cheekbones taking on an embarrassed stain.

 "Quite alright, no harm done." Lena smiled up at the lion before patting the ground next to her. "Would you like to sit with us?"

 The smile Percy beamed at her could have powered London for a year. He nodded enthusiastically and plopped down next to her.

 "Oliver pouting?" Reese asked Percy, amusement clear in his tone.

 "More like...fuming." Percy replied thoughtfully.

 The trio sat quietly for several long minutes. Reese nudged Lena and indicated his pack silently asking if she wanted one. She nodded, lighting it with her wand.

 Percy's eyes practically bugged out. "Since when the hell do you smoke?" He asked Reese.

 "Early September." Came the muffled answer as Reese attempted to light the fag in the late October breeze.

 "Oh." Was the only response he got as they all went back to watching the water.

* * *

  "Wait, so Moonlace has been used in muggle medicines?" Percy gave Lena an incredulous look.

 "Yes. It's very well known for it's calming properties." Lena answered, pushing a new potions text toward the struggling Gryffindor.

 He had mentioned a few days ago that if he didn't improve his potions grade, he would be off the Quidditch team. Lena was best in their year at potions so she offered her help. She expected a challenge. What she didn't expect was to encounter someone so... sponge-like. He sucked up knowledge so eagerly, it was terribly endearing. And in moments like these, when she told him things that blew his mind, he looked at her with such earnest adoration she couldn't help but melt a little.

 "Here, let me proof your essay." She held out her hand for the roll of parchment.

 He looked nervous as he dug it out and handed it over.

 They were quiet for several minutes while Lena read it over.

 "Percy?"

 "Yeah?" He answered nervously.

 Lena looked up and gave him a grin. "This is really good."

 "Yeah?" He sounded excited now.

 "Yes. I'm proud of you, this is a really fantastic essay." 

 "I used those books you gave me the other day, it was easy once it was explained more plainly." He enthused

 "Well, I'm sure my father would be happy to know they helped someone. He always loaded me down with 'necessary literature' when I returned to school. Typical Ravenclaw." Lena rolled her eyes with an affectionate chuckle.

  "Your father was a Ravenclaw?" Percy inquired curiously.

 "Yes, much to Grandpere's disappointment and endless amusement." Lena responded with a fond smile.

 "He wanted a Slytherin?" Percy guessed.

 "Merlin no! He wanted a Gryffindor, like him." Lena corrected, laughing at the shocked look on Percy's face.

 "I thought-"

 "That all Purebloods were Slytherins? No, dearheart. Not all Purebloods could hack it in my house. Look at Longbottom, or the Weasleys, even your family, Percy. The Bones have been predominantly Hufflepuff for generations." She explained patiently.

 "But that's different, Longbottom and them were blood traitors, right?" Percy questioned in innocent confusion.

 "Good Morgana above. The idea of anyone being able to 'betray' their heritage is ridiculous. Blood purists use that insult to make themselves feel better about clinging to the old ways." Lena responded dismissively.

  "But your family is of a Purist mindset, right?" Percy asked.

 "Well, yes and no. We adhere to certain traditions out of necessity. When the Grey family was first established, whichever ancestor it was, had also been given a title by the royal family. They established an estate, as was their right. Now, in order for the estate to pass smoothly from heir to heir, certain traditions have to be carried out." Lena explained as simply as possible. "But, we aren't, nor have we ever been, prejudice against anyone's heritage. Did you know that the only Grey child that is required to marry a Pureblood is the heir?"

 "But you aren't the heir." Percy pointed out.

 "Keen observation, Percy. No, I'm unable to be the heir. Not only do I have two older siblings, one of which is a male, I am a female and that would defeat the purpose of naming an heir, since their job is to continue the family name. And I am obviously unable to do so." 

 "But you had to be presented. That's pretty elitist, don't you think?" Percy pushed.

 "Yes but, remember how I said there are certain traditions that need to be upheld? Those traditions put us firmly in High Society, not to mention my family's wealth tends to be a magnet to those kinds of families. It was expected of me because we travel in that circle. Now, I could have gotten away with skipping a coming out if I hadn't been betrothed to a man who's family was known for their purist views." Lena explained patiently. "My sister never presented, but she wasn't betrothed until after school and she married Mercury Malfoy, so it wasn't really necessary." 

 "You were betrothed?" Percy looked appalled.

 "Since I was three." She confirmed.

 "To who?" He pushed.

 "Theodore Nott." 

 "Why aren't you still?" He asked.

 "Because it is illegal to marry someone who is dead." Lena replied flatly.

 "Merlin! I didn't know. I'm so sorry!" Percy rushed out."I'm suddenly very thankful mum never forced me to go through all that elitist bullshit."

 "It's fine. I didn't expect you to know. It isn't like the fallen Death Eater were publicised. You wouldn't have been accepted into our circle given your paternal parentage is unknown. Now, if you don't mind, I'm quite finished talking about my dead fiance, and I'm positive you're not keen on rehashing your mother's rape." Lena pushed a book towards Percy. "You have a potions quiz Thursday that you must be ready for, over Draught of Living Death. Chapter 14." She gestured to the text.

 Percy nodded and got back to work.


	7. It's a Beautiful Day to be Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I've still go nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Any and all recognizable elements of the Harry Potter verse do not belong to me. They do, however, belong to JK Rowling, bless her.*

 "Lena! Lenaaaaa! LENA!" Lena turned slowly toward the sound of her name being screamed. She chuckled when she saw Percy rushing towards her, sweeping three first years to the side in his haste.

 "Perseus? Is there something you-oof" Lena was cut off as Percy swept her up into his arms, squeezing the breath out of her. "Percy! Percy I can't breathe." She gasped, patting his back gently.

 "I DID IT! YOU HELPED ME AND I DID IT, YOU KNEW I COULD AND YOU WERE RIGHT!" He shouted exuberantly, brandishing a piece of parchment.

 "You did what, darling?" Lena laughed, caught up in her friends excitement. 

 "I PASSED!" He swept her into another hug, swinging her around the emptying corridor. "And it's all thanks to you!"

 "No, you are so intelligent Percy, you just needed someone who could put it in terms your brain could hold onto. I didn't do anything but break the information down, you did all the hard stuff." She gave him a fond smile as she slipped her arm around his waist, leading him down the hallway.

* * *

 "What's this?" Percy looked over his shoulder quizzically, picking up the package Lena had dropped to the table in front of him.

 "If you open it, I bet you'll find out." She responded cheekily, giving him a rare smile.

 "Funny thing, that." Reese chipped in from next to him, barely glancing up from the evening Prophet. 

 Percy gently pulled the decorative paper off the wrapped parcel. When he finally got through all the sticking charms, he pulled the flaps open to reveal what had to be half of Honeydukes inventory.

 "Undetectable extension charm?" Reese asked as he peeked at all the candy in the deceptively small box.

 "Of course." Lena responded, still watching Percy.

 "Ooh, I love that. Think I could get it made into wallpaper?" Reese wondered as he fingered the ivory wrapping paper with a delicate silver filigree pattern.

 "If you know where to go, anything is possible." Lena assured him. "Percy?" She prodded, his silence bordering worrisome.

 She let out a very undignified squeak as Percy tugged her into his lap, burrowing his face in her neck. She felt the warm wet slide across her skin, trailing to collect in her collarbone. 

 "Darling, talk to me." She commanded gently, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders.

 "My aunt-" he gave a shuttering breath. "She used to bring me a big box of candy when she visited, if I did well on my-on my exams." Whatever else he may have wanted to say on the subject was lost in incoherent sobs. 

 Lena nodded her understanding, rocking the distraught teen gently in her arms. She made gentle soothing noises and spoke calming words into his ear. For his part, Percy just clung to her slender frame, thick arms easily circling her slim waist as she sat sideways in his lap. His large shoulders shook in her embrace. 

 "Thank you." He finally gasped out, resting his head against her clavicle. 

 "Seeing as I'm the one who caused your distress, it was only right I be the one to sooth it." She responded calmly, running her fingers through his soft chestnut hair. 

 "No." He sniffles. "Thank you for reminding me. All my mum does is cry about her and you reminded me that there were good things. She's so much more than a memory." He squeezed her tighter, clinging to her like a lost child.

 "I didn't mean to." She pointed out, still lightly scratching his scalp.

 "That's why it means so much. And for future reference," he pulled out a bright green lolli "I don't like acid pops." He informed her with a smile.

 "I'll take that!" She snatched it out of his hand, pulled the wrapper off and popped it in her mouth. "What? They're my favourite!" She slurred around the tangy obstruction at their alarmed looks.

 "You'll burn your tongue off!" Oliver exclaimed as he dropped his books on the table, giving the two an odd look as Lena was still seated quite comfortably in Percy's lap.

 "Only if you don't know how to eat them properly." She informed him, maybe a tad coldly, as she gave the green lolli kittenish licks.

 "If I were straight, I'd take you on this table." Reese grinned, referring to the borderline obscene way she was licking and sucking at the scorching candy.

 Percy began picking the pops out and piling them next to his plate for her. She swept the entire pile into her satchel with a happy little grin, squirming a happy dance out in the cramped space.

 Percy stilled her with his large hands on her hips. "Not that I'm not enjoying he show, but let's not test my boundaries, yeah?"

 Lena gave him a funny look over her shoulder and cocked her head, her blue-green eyes boring into his chocolate ones as if searching for the answer to a particularly challenging question before something seemed to click into place, and she gave him a sharp sort of nod.

* * *

 

 They were spread out on a blanket (and several, well placed, cushioning charms) in an empty classroom, doing homework when Lena threw her quill down, rolling onto her back with a heavy sigh.

 "What's wrong, princess?" Percy furrowed his brow as he flipped between several pages in his newest potions book.

 "I absolutely abhor History of Magic. We don't even learn about wizarding history! I don't rightly give a damn about the Great Goblin War of 1732!" She spat venomously.

 "1273, dear." Reese corrected as he stood.

 "That one too!" She exclaimed.

 Reese and Percy both chuckled at her antics. "Perhaps you should take a break? It's time for my afternoon rounds anyhow." Reese suggested as he headed for the door, pining his Prefects badge to his robes.

 "Will you grab me something from the kitchens?" Lena called as he opened the door.

 "Ooh me too!" Percy agreed.

 "Do I look like a fucking house elf?" Reese demanded from he doorway. 

 "Well, when you scrunch your face up like that..." Lena began with a cheeky grin. 

 Reese slammed the door muttering something that sounded suspiciously close to "Piss off!"

 Percy and Lena both chuckle as they clear the blanket of their books and such so they can spread out.

 It was some minutes later that Lena turned her head to look over at Percy. "Were you going to tell me?" She asked quietly.

 "Tell you what, Princess?" He turned to look at her.

 "Oh gee, I don't know. Perhaps that you're in love with Reese. But I would have settled for just knowing you were bent." Lena gave him a pointed look.

 Percy gaped at her for several long seconds before "how did you even?"

 Lena pointed to herself. "Slytherin." She reminded. "Not much you can hide from me. I'm a master at both body language and conversational nuances. You have to be to survive in my house. Actually, I think it's an inherent thing. Even a first year Slytherin would have figured it out. You're avoiding the question Perseus. Were you going to tell me? How long have you liked Reese? Why haven't you told him?"

 "What is this? The Spanish fucking Inquisition? Merlin!" Percy exclaimed, an embarrassed blush colouring his high cheekbones. 

 Lena just stared, waiting patiently.

 "I'll tell you whatever you want to know if you tell me how you knew." Percy replied.

 "I already told yo-" she began.

 "No. I want you to tell me exactly what gave me away." He cut her off.

 "A few things, really. For instance, I've seen no less than four girls flirt with you in the last week alone. You flash them a charming smile and move on. You constantly stand just a smidge too close to Reese. I've never caught you appraising a female. Not even when I was leaned across the library table a few weeks back. Most straight men would have at least peeked. You didn't even seem to realize my top few buttons were undone. Last night just confirmed it. Well, actually, I already knew you were gay, it just cemented the whole Reese thing." Lena explained patiently. 

 "How so?!"

 Lena heaved a put upon sigh. "I was sitting on your lap practically performing fellatio on a lollipop. Your pulse didn't so much as stutter. And despite my squirming, your... member never even gave a half hearted twitch. Meanwhile, Oliver was fighting with a raging hard on, and he doesn't even particularly like me. But you know what gave away your crush? When Reese made that comment about taking me on the table, you stiffened up and leaned away from me just the slightest bit, but it was enough. Your breathing became a tiny bit laboured and your pulse increased. Now, I knew it wasn't me you were getting jealous over, Oliver had his nose stuck in a book, that left Reese. Process of elimination. Then, everything else made sense. The way you hang on his every word, how you look for excuses to touch him, the way you always stand almost too close. It's nothing he's likely to notice but, like I said, not much gets by me."

 "You're Sherlock bloody Holmes!" Percy accused.

 "No, I'm a Slytherin." She corrected.

 "Same damn thing, apparently!"

 Lena laughed before spearing Percy with a sharp look. 

 "Yes, alright. I'm in love with my best friend. And it's absolutely fucking miserable, if you must know."


	8. Goodnight Moon, And Goodnight You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween update? I THINK YES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy All Hallows Eve! <3
> 
> *Do I need to put a disclaimer every chapter? No? Then this is the last one. ALL RECOGNIZABLE ELEMENTS OF THE HARRY POTTER VERSE DO NOT BELONG TO ME, I JUST THREW A BUNCH OF MADE UP CHARACTERS INTO A MAGICAL WORLD BECAUSE WHY NOT?*

  "Happy All Hallows Eve!" Reese's voice rang out as he dangled a licorice wand in Lena's face. She snatched it away and took a big bite out of the gummy candy.

 "That was super ladylike, there Princess." Percy chuckled, coming up on her other side. Lena gave an indelicately snort and flew him the two finger salute.

 "Everyone excited for the costume ball?" Oliver asked, coming to walk between Lena and Reese. 

 "I'm not going." Lena replied, taking another bite of the candy.

 A chorus of "what?!" And, "you have to!" Greeted this statement.

 "I don't have to do anything except die. Therefore, I am not going to the Ball and I am perfectly happy with that." Lena responded cooly.

 "Way to wait until the last fucking second to tell me I need to find a new date." Percy bitched from beside her.

 "Dear Morgana above, Perseus, I could think of more appealing options than myself for evening company." Lena chuckled

 "Your date? She was supposed to be going with me!" Reese exclaimed.

 "I refuse to lose _my_ date to a gay man!" Oliver chipped in, mostly just to stir trouble.

 "Reese, you already have a date. Much to my distaste." Lena gave him a pointed look. They had all met Reese's date, Jack, at dinner the night before, and Lena was somewhat less than impressed. It wasn't that there was even anything really wrong with him, it had been the look on Percy's face when Jack had kissed Reese. Perhaps she was biased, but she didn't like the kid. "Percy, you're more than welcome to hang out with me tonight, I'm sure we can find something to do." She gave him a slightly exaggerated look, hoping he would understand she was giving him an out from an evening that promised to be torturous. "And Oliver?" She turned a sharp glare on the hazel eyed teen. "If you ever use a possessive in reference to me again, I will hex into the middle of the next century."

 " _They're_ allowed to use possessive." He muttered petulantly.

 "Yes, but I like them." She responded.

 "And you don't like me?" He asked, mildly outraged.

 "Lets not fool ourselves, Oliver. We tolerate one another." 

 "I don't just tolerate you!" Lena raised a perfectly arched brow. "I don't! It just took me a minute to warm up to you. You're not exactly Miss Congeniality you know. But now I get you a little better. And, yeah okay, there are still times we irritate each other but I have faith that we could be really good friends if we tried!" Oliver defended.

 "Basically what Oliver is trying to say is, you gave him an awkward erection and now that he's wanked over you he feels obligated to be nice." Percy clarified, dodging the Tickle Jinx Oliver aimed at him.

 "I did not!" Oliver turned his big eyed gaze over to Lena with a pleading look. "I swear to Merlin I didn't-"

 "Picture her licking your prick like an acid pop while you touched yourself?" Reese jumped in when Oliver cut himself off in embarrassment.

 "Leave the poor kid alone!" Lena hushed the other two. "It's flattering really, I've never done anything that could be considered spank bank worthy." And with a cheeky wink, she left the three boys to gape after her as she walked off to Ancient Runes.

 "Did she just?" Percy murmured.

 "Mhmm." Reese hummed in response.

 "Isn't she supposed to be all proper and uptight?" Oliver asked.

 Reese and Percy both chuckled at that.

* * *

 

 "Please, Lena, I'm begging. I have to go. I have to see him with Jack, it'll give me closure! But Merlin knows I can't do it alone." Lena had been listening to variations of this argument for the last hour from Percy.

 "Yes, fine! I'll go! But only for an hour and only because I don't want you to spend the entire night brooding in the corner, understand?" She was swept into a bone crushing hug at her acquiescence.

 "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Percy rushed out as he practically suffocated her.

 "Perseus! Release me this instant. I have to go throw a costume together."

* * *

   Reese let out a long low whistle as he watched Lena sweep across the Entrance Hall towards them.

 "Morgana almighty!" Percy cursed from behind him.

 "Is that Lena?" Oliver exclaimed.

 "Good thing you're wearing a suit jacket, Oliver." Reese teased, causing the other teen's cheeks to tint red.

 "Merlin Lena! Are you trying to give the entire straight male population a heart attack?" Percy asked once she was close enough.

 Lena turned to Oliver "I don't know, is it working?"

 He nodded mutely, turning another shade darker. "What made you decide to come?" He finally choked out, in way of conversation.

 She eyed up and down the brown pinstripe suit, tailored to his long, thin frame before smirking almost dangerously. "Spoilers sweetie."

 Oliver thought he was going to die right there. He couldn't deny she was beautiful, a blind man could see that, and the outfit didn't help. But the fact that she _got the costume_ and even _made an accurate reference._ He was having the best nerdgasm ever. And that smirk. Merlin above that smirk was doing things to him.

 "What d'ya think Ollie?" Percy grinned over at him.

 What did he think? Was he kidding? She was every schoolboy's fantasy. Long shapely calves trapped in black silk thigh high stocking, a short skirt of the same colour held out from her skin with several layers of fluffy gray tulle, a black satin corset squeezing and pushing her torso in all the best ways, her long, dark chocolate hair set in loose curls around her face and shoulders; and don't even get Oliver started on her face. It was dominated by a large emerald and silver masquerade mask that played up the green in her eyes to perfection. Her skin looked dewy and glowing, and her full, pouty mouth was painted petal pink. She was sex personified. And Oliver was having a hell of a time reconciling this Goddess with the uptight, high class, standoffish, princess he had come to liken her to.

  "She's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, squeezed into a skirt that's just a little bit too...tight." He responds, knowing she's caught the reference when she shoots him a rare smile.

* * *

 "Stop watching them, Percy. You're only making yourself miserable." Lena chastised, turning him so his back was to the couple eating each other's faces in the corner.

 When Percy looked down at her with wet chocolate eyes, she knew it was time to go. He had lasted longer than she thought he would, all things considered.

 As she was leading him from the Great Hall, she couldn't help but feel a tad... well, vulnerable at all the looks she was getting. The girls stared in open hostility, fueled by jealousy, as the boys looked on with a lustful intensity she found disconcerting. 

 She had worn the costume because, as awful as it sounded, when Oliver had been aroused by her the other day, she had felt beautiful. Desirable. Wanted. For the first time in over almost a year. And it was an intoxicating feeling. But this was different. The boys around her made her feel cheap, easy. It wasn't fair, they shouldn't be able to make her doubt herself. 

 She had to forcibly shove a handsy Ravenclaw away from her persons, and could feel a shudder working up spine when Oliver suddenly materialized next to them. He pulled his suit jacket off and draped it over her exposed shoulders with a small smile, waving off her gratefully murmured 'thank you!'

 The Entrance Hall was almost eerily quiet compared to the riotous noise of the Great Hall.

 "Where are you guys headed?" Oliver asked once they were all seated on the Grand Staircase. 

 "No clue, just couldn't stand to be in there anymore." Percy muttered. "Lena." Percy turned big brown eyes on the quiet snake. "I don't want to be alone tonight. If I can sneak you into my dorm, will you stay with me?" He pleaded with a genuine waiver to his voice.

 "You know I would Percy, but there's no way you'll be able to get me in there, let alone back out come morning." Lena responded, giving him a sympathetic look.

 The trio sat in silence for several long minutes before Oliver stood suddenly, motioning for the other two to follow him. "I think I have a solution." Was the only explanation he gave.

 He led them up to the fifth floor, down a corridor that had been abandoned for most of the last century, before stopping in front of an ornate mirror.

 "I found this place a few weeks ago. It isn't much, but I've been slowly fixing it up when I have time." He explained.

 "Where are we?" Percy inquired, darting glances into all the dark crevices. Lena understood, the corridor gave off a creepy vibe, probably from sitting forgotten for so long.

 "Behind here." Oliver placed a hand on the mirror."Are some old professors quarters. Haven't been used in a century and a half. So, I've been fixing them up. They aren't done yet, but they're clean at least. Figured it might be nice for us to have a place to go. It's difficult when your best mates belong in different houses." He rambled self consciously.

 Lena put a hand on his arm. " I think it's wonderful." She smiled up at him. "But this corridor is a bit drafty and I'm not wearing much, would you mind?

 Oliver muttered a quick "right." Before turning to place his hand against his reflection's. " _Memento Vivere."_ he intoned softly. 

 Percy gave Lena a quizzical look at the unfamiliar Latin phrase.

 "It means 'Remember to live.' It's part of a longer saying that goes something like: 'Remember to live, but remember also, that you must die.'" She explained quietly as the mirror swung forward to admit them. 

 As the three stepped inside, Oliver hurried to set the fireplace ablaze. As the soft light washed over the room the other two gasped.

 "Oliver, this place is beautiful!"

 


	9. I Dream to Remember, I Smoke to Forget.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sleep deprived. If I reread this in the morning, and it sucks, I swear I'll replace it.

 Lena swiveled to take in the entire room. They were obviously in what would be a living room. A large fireplace dominated the wall opposite the door, Lena could see a hallway to her left and from her vantage counted three? No, four doors.

 Oliver had draped a warm ivory fabric that softly shimmered in the light of the fire from the ceiling, it slipped down the walls like hot toffee to pool on the floor at the edges of the room. It gave the normally stark, cold room a cozy atmosphere. The cold stone floor was covered in a large, buttery area rug. A dark brown sectional sofa dominated the sitting room, along with a half dozen floor pillows, and a mahogany and glass coffee table.

 "Oliver, how did you do all this?" Lena looked around, awestruck.

 "Uh my parents are both doc- muggle healers." He responded, rubbing his neck in what Lena had come to identify as a nervous habit.

 "I know what a doctor is, Oliver." Lena replied with amusement. "Your parent's occupation doesn't answer my question. At least, not in full."

 "I found this shop in Diagon Alley that sells furniture. Weird, right? Except that it can be delivered anywhere in the world by owl. Simple engorgio and there it is. Plus it comes embedded with all sorts of protective charms to diminish wear and tear. So, I grabbed a catalogue. I found the theory of it very interesting. I wondered if the process would be time consuming and if that affected the price. Not that finances were an issue. My parents are both surgeons, and independently wealthy besides that. But then I found this place and decided to place an order. It actually just arrived two days ago. It was a bitch getting that fabric hung properly." He babbled. "Would you like to see the other rooms? Everything but the kitchen is mostly finished." He moved toward the darkened hallway, swishing his wand to light the decorative sconces evenly paced along the wall. 

 He threw open the first door to reveal the first bedroom, done in soft, luminescent grey and dark, molten silver with navy and emerald accents. The whole room gave off a very sophisticated, but also sort of cold vibe. "I had you in mind when I put this room together." Oliver told Lena, shyly. Watching her reaction out of the corner of his eye nervously. As the silence wore on Oliver began shifting from foot to foot, waiting for a verdict from the critical teen. 

 "You really think me so cold?" She questioned, hiding her amusement behind an affronted mask.

 "Yes. But, that isn't why the room has a certain coldness. I don't know you very well, but..." Oliver trailed off.

 "But?" Lena prompted.

 "You like when things are neat. You like clean lines and sharp edges. They make you feel a certain amount of control in a world that has stripped you of your power. You need order to make sense of the mess you've become." Oliver rushed out quietly then went dead still as if trying to escape an approaching predator.

 "How do you figure?" Lena asked, again, careful to control her amusement but also genuinely curious.

 When Oliver realised he wasn't going to be hexed, he relaxed an infinitesimal amount and continued his observation.

 "You always fold your napkin into perfectly creased quarters once you've finished eating. Your hair is in the same neat braid over your left shoulder every day. Your uniform is starched and pressed. You use a spell to hold your make-up in place. You perform a cleaning charm each and every time you smoke. Even your perfume is a very sweet, clean, floral. Your speech is concise and your accent, controlled. Even your reactions are careful and measured. You use garters to hold your stockings up so they're always even. You polish your shoes. And you adhere to a strict routine during the week, while your weekends are always planned. You've built a world where you know where you're supposed to be every hour of every day, and you panic if something deviates that routine. Face it, you crave control." 

 "Not bad." Lena praised, giving him a rare smile. "The room is beautiful, thank you." She hesitantly turned to the Ravenclaw, opening her arms.

 A brief flicker of shock flit across Oliver's face as he accepted the embrace. "Could we start over? Maybe you could forget how much of a prejudice arse I've been?" He whispered in her ear.

 Lena hid a smile in the boys shoulder. "Only if you forget what a cold bitch _I've_ been." 

 "Done." He responded, giving her waist a firm squeezing before pulling back to prefer her his hand. "Oliver Milner, Seventh Year Ravenclaw."

 Lena placed her hand into his delicately, turning her wrist in such a way as to indicate he should kiss her knuckles (Pureblood ladies _never_ shake hands, it isn't polite) "Lena Grey. Seventh Year Slytherin." 

 "Lovely to make your acquaintance, Miss Grey." Oliver smiled, head bowed, as he guided their joined hands up to place a gentle kiss to her soft, porcelain skin.

 "I assure you, the pleasure is mine." She responded, all simpering debutante. Her voice demure and accent softened.

 "You two are fucking weird." Percy finally spoke up from behind them, effectively breaking the surreal moment.

 Oliver threw his arm over Lena's shoulders before steering them to the next room.

 It was another bedroom, done in golden yellow and a delicate blue. It reminded Lena of a Quidditch game. Specifically a snitch flying through a perfect azure sky.

 "Reese." Oliver muttered. "His favorite colours." In way of explanation.

  Much to Lena's surprise, the following room was a fully stocked library. "I'm not sure what all is in here. The books were already in the room. I'll need to find a new place for them, we're shy a bedroom." Oliver ran a hand through his hair as if just thinking about it stressed him out.

 "Nonesense! Percy and I will share a room. It's not like space will be an issue." Lena exclaimed, keen on keeping the library. It was full of overstuffed armchairs and a decent fireplace. In other words, it was paradise. "Would you find that amenable?" She turned her gaze on Percy.

 "Honestly, I would have ended up in your bed most nights anyways." He shrugged, seemingly happy with the plan.

 They finished the rest of the tour quickly. Oliver had chosen a cream with scarlet accenting for his domain, and a quick peek at the kitchen showed scarred countertops and empty cupboards, but a lot of potential.

 "This place is amazing, Oliver! Absolutely wonderful!" Lena gushed as they all settled in various positions around the fire in the sitting room. 

 They started talking about plans for the kitchen, and inventorying the library. Lena mentioned sending for several of the more helpful volumes from her family library to add. They went on this way for awhile. But, eventually the trio quieted down, the warmth of the fire and cozy atmosphere the room exuded making them drowsey. The presence of one another instilling a sense of safety and calm; and as Percy molded himself to Lena's back, wrapping her up in strong arms, she couldn't help but smile as she realized this was the first time she had slept during the night in several months. Instead of being alarmed, she just pressed back into the comforting warmth and allowed sleep to claim her.


	10. Love Me Like the World is Ending.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the point I'm trying to make and I have a lot plot twists and stuff but I can't for the life of me seem to get from point a to point fucking b.

_They were six and seven respectively, running through the woods behind the Grey Manor._

_"Lena! Lena get back here!" A young Theo Nott shouted as he chased the emotionally distraught little girl through the undergrowth._

_"Lena please!" He tried again, she was quick enough, but when fueled by embarrassment and hurt it seemed to propel her forward with no thought to her burning lungs or the branches whipping at her delicate skin. Theo could see a cut on her calf weeping crimson sluggishly._

_He felt his foot catch on something and, before he could take any preventative action, found himself sprawled on the forest floor. The distraction, all Lena needed to slip out of sight._

_"Lena!? Lena, get back here!" Theo despised the panic in his voice. He could imagine his father sneering at such weakness. Telling him to control himself._

_Theo tried to push the fear back. To quiet his heavy breathing and pounding heart and listen. Listen for the sounds his Petite would surely make as she crashed through the woods. The sounds of twigs snapping, feet pounding, perhaps a nervous noise once she realised the sun was setting and the darkness that so scared her was settling in._

_What he wasn't prepared for was the blood curdling scream from somewhere to his left._

_"LENA?!" He began running blindly, never mind he had no way to protect her. He just knew he needed to get to wherever she was, protect her from whatever had caused her to produce such a terrifying sound._

_He shouted her name again, never breaking stride. He had just jumped a felled tree when he heard her._

_"Theo." His name was being whimpered from somewhere close. He pulled to a dead stop, spinning in a slow circle; searching._

_He stopped when he spotted the clearly feral dog, dead at the foot of a tree. It's neck cleanly snapped. He was trying to put all the pieces together when another whimper snapped him out of his reverie. He turned and found his Petite crouched under the same fallen oak._

_They watched each other for a long moment. Her eyes reminded Theo of the ocean he had visited last autumn with his mummy. A stormy mixture of blues and greens and grays. He could see clearly the red hand print his father had given her, despite the failing light. Wordlessly, Theo opened his arms and watched with distant amusement as Lena scrambled from her hiding place and into his arms._

_As soon as he closed his embrace around her she began crying earnestly, apologizing for upsetting his father. Theo felt his blood boil, his father had no right to touch his Petite. If Lena hadn't fled immediately, Theo is afraid to think of what he might have done to Quincy in retaliation._

_"Shhhh darling, it's alright. Father is a cross old coot, don't fret yourself, Petite." He cooed. She looked up with those big, wet, ocean eyes and Theo felt his heart break. He kissed the abused skin marring her porcelain cheek, and clutched her back to his chest. "Come dearheart, we can't be caught out here after dark."_

* * *

_Lena stood stoically as the usual madness of the platform rushed around them. Theo couldn't help but be proud of how poised his Petite was. She was everything a Pureblood could ever hope to be. Calm, controlled, intelligent, a very good actress. She had impeccable command of her emotions, especially when you considered she was only ten. Theo felt a rush of warm affection for the girl._

_"Theodore, say your goodbyes, you don't want to get stuck in a compartment with..." Quincy trailed off as his eyes flit to an obviously muggle couple hugging a bushy haired little girl._

_Theo shook his father's hand and accepted a hug from Lena's mother before turning to Petite. He discreetly edged her out of earshot of the adults._

_"Behave, Lena." He ordered with a soft look._

_"Of course, Theo. I always behave." She responded primly._

_"I'll expect you to answer my owls. I will send you one each week." He promised. Lena nodded her acknowledgement. "I shall see you at Yule." As he said this, he caught the crack in her mask. She tilted her head in such a way as to hide it but he had already seen the single tear slip from her hurricane eyes._

_"Now now, no need for that." He reprimanded._

_She nodded once and quickly swiped the moisture away, before squaring her shoulders and meeting his cola brown gaze._

_"I'll miss you." She whispered so quietly it almost got lost in the hustle of the platform._

_"And I, you." He assured her calmly. He took a quick look around to ensure no one was watching them before pulling her into a tight hug. "I'll be back before you know it, Petite." He whispered into her hair, feeling the way she relaxed at the pet name he'd had for her since they had been bonded._

* * *

_Dear Lena,_

_Happy Birthday! I'm sorry I couldn't be there, but think; next year you'll be here with me and we'll have our own celebration!_

_Draco and Blaise send their regards and hope you have a wonderful time. After all, it isn't everyday you turn eleven!_

_Give your parents my best, I will see you at Yule._

_Miss You,_

_Theo_

_P.s. I hope you like your gift._

* * *

_"Take a break." A deep voice whispered in her ear as Lena flipped between several pages in her transfiguration text._

_She answered without glancing up. "Quit distracting me, Theo._ _I have a written exam in the morning."_

_"Not a chance, I'm bored. Come on, take a walk with me. You need a break. Besides, I have something for you." He enticed, moving her thick chocolate hair away from her ear as he whispered the last bit._

_"My birthday was three days ago, Theo. You already gave me my gift." She reminded._

_"No, I gave you the one I bought in a panic at Hogsmead last weekend when I realized the gift I ordered you wasn't going to be here in time." Theo corrected almost sheepishly._

_That peaked Lena's interest enough to at least meet his gaze. At the pleading look in his bottle brown eyes, she crumbled. "Yes, alright. But if I fail this test, I'm blaming you when my parents ask." She warned._

_"You won't fail. You're bloody brilliant." He assured her._

_"You have entirely too much confidence in me." She replied, standing and grabbing her cardigan._

_They ended up out by the fountains, surrounded by roses in late bloom._

_"So, what was so important you needed to drag me halfway across the grounds?" Lena asked once they were settled on the fountain's ledge._

_"Well, I uh- you see I sorta- there was- here's the thing."_

_"Theodore!" Lena finally interrupted with an amused chuckle. "Just spit it out!"_

_He nodded decisively."I got you a ring." He decided blunt was probably best, here._

_"A ring." Lena echoed._

_"Yes, a ring. Well, technically I got two. One for you and one for myself. I thought... Well I was thinking... here, I might as bloody well show you." He huffed, pulling a shining silver band from his pocket, before reaching into his robe and pulling two delicate chains of the same metal. He quickly thread the plain silver band through the first chain before reaching into yet another pocket and extracting a small ring box. He popped it open to reveal a delicate ring made of various bands of thin silver woven to interlock in a series of tiny knots. It gleamed in the weak light of the quarter moon. But even in the less than stellar lighting, Lena could tell it was a thing of beauty._

_"Merlin, Theo." Lena breathed as she watched him thread the second band through the remaining chain, before, much to her surprise, he slipped it over his head. The woven band coming to rest just shy of his diaphragm. He then offered the other chain to her._

_"You bought me a ring I can't wear?" Lena asked incredulously._

_"I bought you a ring you can't wear_ yet _." Theo corrected. "They're wedding bands, Lena. Goblin made, embedded with all sorts of charms to ensure we always know where the other is and whether they're safe. But you must wait until the wedding, then we'll exchange them." He promised._

_She moved her hair over her shoulder as she fastened the clasp around her throat. Her chain was considerably shorter, the ring resting just above the swell of her breasts._

_"Theo." She intoned softly. "I think you ought to kiss me now."_

_Theo looked up with surprised apprehension before swallowing hard and nodding once._

_He leaned in slowly, giving Lena time to change her mind. When he was less than an inch away, he paused. Growing impatient, Lena closed the remaining distance, melding her mouth to his._

_Theo let out a surprised gasp which Lena happily swallowed up before he brought his hands forward to cup her face, tilting it just so, for a better angle._

_When breathing became an issue he pulled back just enough so there lips were still touching, breathing one another's air. Her inhale was his exhale._

_"I love you, Petite." He murmured against her skin. He felt her shudder at the words._

_"And I, you."_

* * *

  _"Th_ _eodore Quincy Nott you will hold your tongue!" Lena whispered fiercely. "If my father finds you here, we'll be grounded for eternity!" She raised the alcohol saturated cloth back up to her betrothed's face, dabbing at the open cut bisecting his left eyebrow._

_As the bleeding teen gave another sharp gasp, Lena pressed one of the clean rags into his mouth. "Bite." She instructed. She then moved his undamaged hand to her hip, wrapping the long, slender fingers around the protruding curve. "Squeeze." She suggested, going back to cleaning his injuries. She felt his thumb dig into the hollow of her hip bone at the next sting of alcohol against the open wound. He then soothed the rough treatment with tender circles rubbed over the abused area, a silent apology for the necessary hurt._

_Lena working in silence for several long minutes, ignoring the almost rhythmic pattern Theo was creating between pain and pleasure as he rubbed the surely bruised skin of her hip after clutching her through the various stings and pricks._

_"All done, sweetheart." Lena finally whispered, falling back onto her haunches, and effectively breaking their contact._

_They stared at one another for several silent moments, oceanic to cola brown._

_Theo opened his arms to his clearly upset fiancèe._

_Instead of going to him, Lena crossed her arms and glared at the wood flooring of her bedroom. "What happened this time, Theo? Brawl with your cousin? Flying accident?" Even whispered, Theo easily caught the accusation._

_"I fell down the stairs on my way to the dungeons." Theo tried, halfheartedly._

_"Oh, right. You fell. Silly me, of course you did." Lena snarked. They stared at each other hotly for a moment. She could usually get the truth from him if she just softened her eyes a bit. Pouted her bottom lip. At his firm refusal she exploded._

_"Dammit Theodore!" Theo jerked violently at the foul word slipping from his pristine Petite._

_"Lena-" he started gently._

_"No Theodore! No more! You sneak through the floo at least twice a week for me to patch you up and cuddle you, yet you have the audacity to lie to me? I'm not bloody stupid you infuriating prick!" She whisper-yelled._

_"I really did trip." He tried again, weakly._

_"Right into your father's fist?" Lena spat. At Theo's shocked look she gave a huff of humorless laughter. "Thought so. You aren't a clumsy person, Theo. The first or second 'accident' maybe. But this?" She gestured to the layered bruises on his torso. "Do not insult my intelligence further."_

_When he remained silent, Lena reached for the clasp around her throat. She used one hand to trip the catch and let the silver pool in her palm. Theo watched her with masked panic as she reached for his uninjured hand, tucking the ring and chain into it, and curling his fingers around it._

_"If I do not have your trust and your honesty, then I do not want whatever is left." Lena told him in a broken whisper, turning her back to hide her shattering heart. She felt the tight pain in her throat as she held firm on her refusal to cry. "Please leave." She begged. The sooner he left, the sooner she could ease the tension in her chest._

_"Petite." He murmured coaxingly. He could fix this, he knew. If she just listened. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, Merlin, she knew everything about him. Everything except this. It wasn't a matter of trust, he just wanted to protect her. But, he should have known she knew. She was a Slytherin after all, far too smart for her own bloody good._

_"No. Please Theo, no more." And as she turned to look at him, he felt his heart crumble. Her eyes were dry, her face, impassive, but it was her eyes. Theo loved those eyes. He felt like he could pick those eyes out of a crowd. Would know them in any life. He had made an art out of reading those eyes. Now, he wished he couldn't. The greens and blues and grays swirled in a maelstrom of hurt and anger._

_He watched helplessly as she handed him_ _a crystal bottle full of thick green potion. "One teaspoon, twice a day." She instructed in a flat, cold voice. The same voice she always used when forced to speak to his father, and at the comparison, Theo felt a frozen numbness settle over him. He picked himself up off her bedroom floor and felt the heavy weight of her rejection settle over him._

* * *

"Lena. Lena, wake up love, it's just a dream." _  
_


	11. Maybe I'm Just In Love When You Wake Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your guess is as good as mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... 24 people have at least clicked on this story. I want to thank those twenty-four people for doing so. A super huge thank you (and lots of squishy hugs) for ColeyandCo for the bookmark, the kudo, but especially for the kind words of encouragement. You don't even know how much you helped me! So this chapter is dedicated to you(I hope you enjoy it!)  
> I knew going into this that it wouldn't be wildly popular. I haven't written in any major characters. I've barely managed to incorporate Canon characters. But I did that because they all got their happy ending like some sort of fairytale, and I feel like there are some stories that deserve to be told here. And the reality of war isn't pretty. That's the point I'm trying to make (well, one of them, anyhow.) But I'm starting to wonder if the problem is more to do with my plot and my writing and less to do with the lack of Canon. I do not, currently, have a beta or even anyone to bounce ideas off of and it's... Well it's obviously taking its toll. I've written almost 15,000 words and haven't even really gotten anywhere. So any sort of critique would be more than welcome. Anyone willing to be a sounding board, even more so.  
> God, I'm lonely.

When Lena woke up she was severely disoriented. She didn't recognize the room she was in, her body ached from, apparently, sleeping on the floor, and there was an unfamiliar warmth against her back. 

 "Lena. Lena, wake up love, it's just a dream." The voice was low and sleep roughened, but also surprisingly tender. 

 Lena looked around for the source of the voice. She ruled out the body behind her as they were breathing evenly, puffs of air hitting the top of her head. 

 She twisted awkwardly in the restricting hold to look at the beige sectional above her. She gave an odd little jerk when she was met with soft, sleepy, hazel eyes. Oliver was leaned half off the couch, arm awkwardly extended towards her. 

 "You alright?" He whispered, dropping his hand.

 She nodded mutely before settling back into Percy's embrace.  

 "You were whimpering in your sleep. Nightmare?" He asked quietly.

 "Not in the traditional sense, no. But damaging in their own right nonetheless, I suppose." She replied in a whisper, conscious of the sleeping teen behind her. 

 Oliver gave a start at the child like quality her voice had taken on in her sleepy state. He turned to look at her properly. Her normally impeccable hair was mussed, and her skin was pink from the warmth of the fire. She had removed her make-up at some point and the difference was startling in the girl. And that's all she was, Oliver suddenly realized, a girl. Scared and alone, dealing with repercussions far beyond her years; just like the rest of them. She was, but a child, thrust into an adults game. Forced to play by rules beyond her comprehension. Forced to make decisions most grown wizards would balk at. And how fucking fair was that? Having children clean up the adults' mess. 

 And look at where it had left them. Unable to even sleep through the damn night. Jumping at the slightest noise, drawing wands when someone moved too quickly, hex happy and paranoid. An entire generation, in ruins.

 It brought to mind a documentary he had watched with his father about shell shock in WWII. He wondered, fleetingly, if that was their fate.

 "I apologize for awakening you." Oliver was jerked out of his reverie by the deceptively fragile voice. Because he knew, despite the damage the war caused, despite being utterly shattered, Lena was anything but fragile. She wouldn't be alive if she were truly the perfect little debutant. There was steel in her yet. And he would never forget how dangerous she was.

 "You didn't. I was already up. You wanna talk about it?" He offered somewhat awkwardly, not sure their tentative friendship would survive the experience. He was relieved when she shook her head 'No'.

 "Nightmares?" She inquired softly. At his tight nod she spoke again, asking only half teasingly. "Want to talk about it?" 

 He looked down at her, and was met with her hurricane gaze. Her sleep softened eyes reminded him of the ocean at low tide. Calm, quiet, tired after a long day of crashing waves and excited children teasing the tide. He found himself trusting those eyes, which prompted him to ask. "Would you mind?"

 "No. I won't be able to sleep again tonight, might as well. Though, is there a window in here? I need a cigarette." She confessed.

 Oliver stood immediately and began pawing at the buttery fabric until he finally found the opening. He drew the curtain to loop through a bracket fixed to the wall, revealing a decent sized window with an upholstered bench.

 "Well that's convenient." Lena murmured as she began the arduous task of extracting herself from Percy's embrace and making her way across the room unsteadily.

 "So, are they frequent?" She asked once they were both settled comfortably in the window seat.

 "Depends on your definition of frequent, I 'spose." When his only response was an arched brow he elaborated. "Two, maybe three times a week."

 Lena released a stream of smoke through her nose and mouth with her next question. "What do you see?"

 "Depends. Sometimes it's the battle. I watched a lot of people I knew die that night. Occasionally I dream about things I read in the Prophet. But mostly I see my parents. All the horrible things that could have happened to them." He admitted quietly.

 Lena surprised him by grabbing his hand. She twined their fingers together and rested them in her lap. "I can't guarantee that we'll find them in perfect health, but you'll be better for knowing the truth. You don't know, Oliver, they may be fine."

 "If they were fine they would be back by now." Oliver replied in a broken whisper.

 "Don't." She warned.

 "Don't what?"

 "Don't you dare give up now. If they're dead then they're dead. We'll hold your hand while you grieve, and make sure you don't do anything incredibly stupid in your state of bereavement; but it isn't the end of the world, Oliver. The earth will keep spinning, the sun will rise, and you will bloody well move on, even if I have to drag you. People die. It's a side effect of living, but that doesn't give you any right to die along with them. I don't care how much it hurts." Lena lectured fiercely, punctuating her feelings with a squeeze to his hand.

 Oliver began laughing.

 "What?" Lena demanded, somewhat miffed he wasn't taking her seriously. 

 "Nothing. It's just, you have an incredibly odd way of expressing affection." He informed her while shaking his head. "Thank you."

 She shrugged. "Sometimes you need a kick to keep you going. I've always been very good at tough love. I suppose."

 "Will you two shut th'fuck up, please." Percy slurred from across the room, throwing a pillow in their general direction. "Just because you're  having some sort of psychologically damaged convention in the middle of the bloody night doesn't mean some of us aren't actually sleeping." 

 Lena and Oliver had to smother a chuckle at the accurate description. 

 "Silencing charm?"

 

* * *

 

 "Where the hell did you three disappear to last night?" Reese half shouted as the three finally wandered down to breakfast.

 Before anyone could answer, Jack decided it was a grand day to defy the laws of physics and some-fucking-how managed to situate himself in Reese's lap (Privately, Lena suspected Crisco) much to the smaller boy's chagrin. 

 Lena watched as Percy grabbed an apple off the table and left the hall.

 "What's his problem?" Jack demanded, pausing his assault on Reese's mouth to glare at the Keepers retreating form.

 "Perhaps he actually wanted to eat his breakfast without the risk of vomiting." Lena snarked.

 "Piss off." Jack snapped, glaring at Lena with dull brown eyes.

 "Did your mother teach you to speak to a Lady that way?" Oliver asked in dangerously low voice.

 "I see no lady here." Jack responded with a smirk, thinking himself clever. 

 "Besides yourself, I suppose." Oliver returned, giving a satisfied grin at Jack's indignation. 

 "How can you be friends with people who clearly don't accept our community?" Jack directed at Reese.

 "It isn't the gay community we have a problem with. Just you." Lena informed him before Reese could speak up. She grabbed a banana and a slice of toast before exiting as well.

 "Aren't you going to do something about them?" Jack spluttered.

 "Oh yes, please Reese, aren't you going to do something about us?" Oliver challenged.

 "You guys aren't being fair. Jack is my boyfriend. I asked you to be nice." Reese replied.

 "You're bloody fucking blind, mate." Oliver muttered before, he too, left the Great Hall.

* * *

 Lena covered a large yawn with her hand as she wandered from the library. She had twenty minutes until curfew and she had only managed to get half her potions essay done. Six feet on the varied uses of wormwood in modern healing? Not bloody likely.

 "Lena!" Oliver shouted from the staircase two floors down.

 She leaned over the banister, silently praying the staircase wouldn't decide to move. "What?" 

 "You coming?" He jerked his head in the vague direction of their secret hidey hole.

 "Is Percy there? I haven't seen him all day." Lena called back.

 "I think so. Come on, I raided the kitchen." He held up his bulging satchel with a grin.

* * *

 It was nice, Lena decided sometime later, this trust thing.

 Her hair was a mess, she wasn't wearing any make-up, she wore only a pair of ratty sweats and one of Percy's old Quidditch shirts, yet she felt completely at ease. She was utterly undone, consuming junk food and swapping childhood stories with two of the most unlikely people, but Lena couldn't recall ever being happier. 

 'This. This is what doing the right thing gets you.' She thought contentedly as Percy used his hands to tell a story about his first bout of accidental magic.

 "So, long story short-"

 "Too late." Oliver interrupted him with a cheeky grin.

 "Oi! I sat through you going on about how nervous you were the first time you met Harry Potter, you can bloody well sit through my cookie jar story!"

 Lena let her head fall back in laughter, and in this moment, with the rain pounding against the window and her friends arguing in the background, she felt utterly free.

 

 


	12. Second Chances Won't Leave You Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to anyone who clicked on this story. Thank you, anonymous guest for the kudo!  
> Lots and lots of squishy hugs and a giant thank you to ColeyandCo for being supportive and fantastic and just all around lovely! I might as well dedicate this story to you(is your birthday coming up? Eh, Christmas is close enough! <3 )

 "What good is wormwood, anyhow!" Oliver exclaimed, throwing his quill on the coffee table in frustration. 

 Lena laughed lightly. "I don't mean to stereotype here, but aren't Ravenclaws supposed to love essays? That thing is due tomorrow and you just started it an hour ago."

 "I don't mean to stereotype here but aren't all Slytherins evil?" Oliver mocked. "Just because I'm a Ravenclaw doesn't mean I like to study. No one likes studying. I enjoy learning. There's a difference."

 "Well then, I suggest you get to _learning_  all about wormwood." Lena teased as she handed him a cup of tea.

 "Did you put something in this?" Oliver asked as he took another sip of the strong Earl Grey.

 "I may or may not have added a Calming Draught." Lena responded noncommittally, flipping through her charms text idly.

 "Why?" Oliver demanded, setting the cup down.

 "Because you're stressed to the max and you need to relax for ten seconds, and I knew you wouldn't take it if I offered it so I laced your tea." She replied without looking up.

 "I don't know whether to be angry at you for dosing me without my permission, relieved you aren't trying to poison me, or lucky that you care enough to lace my afternoon tea." Oliver admitted after a moment.

 "Trying to be angry under the affects of a Calming Draught would be absolutely draining. I'd go for relieved. I can mix a mean poison." Lena responded conversationally.

* * *

 "So. I went to our window last night. You never showed." Reese plopped down next to Lena during Transfiguration the following morning.

 "I had some homework to finish." She replied without looking at him.

 "Did you get it done?"

 "Yes."

 "So I'll see you there tonight?"

 "I wouldn't count on it."

 "Okay. Obviously I pissed you off in some way. What's going on?" Reese demanded.

 "You didn't do anything Reese. I just really don't have the time right now." Lena replied, exasperated.

 "But you have time for Oliver and Percy. I saw you with them in the library yesterday. Why didn't anyone invite me?" Reese sounded hurt.

 "We tried, but you were wrapped firmly around your boyfriend and we didn't want to interrupt. Look, we aren't trying to hurt you, Reese. But none of us are very fond of Jack. We would never give you an ultimatum, but we would prefer to spend as little time around him as possible." At Reese's crestfallen look, Lena continued. "We're really happy you've found someone. He isn't who we would have picked for you but, it isn't our lives. If he makes you happy then I'm sure we'll come around, eventually." 

 "I don't want to lose you guys. Not now that everyone is finally starting to live again." Reese whispered miserably.

 "You aren't losing us. You know exactly where we are. We're just...keeping our distance for awhile. It's for the best."

* * *

 "Percy, you have to tell him." Oliver tried, again. They were all laying in a tangled heap on Lena and Percy's bed. 

 "He has a boyfriend. I literally can't tell him now, I don't want him to resent me down the road." Percy reasoned.

 "No, he has an obnoxious prat attached to him at the lips. Seriously, all they do is song. That's not a relationship, it's sexual gratification." Lena sneered.

 The other two snickered.

 "Well, you have to do something! You can't keep moping around, avoiding him." Oliver made a vague motion Lena figured was meant to convey his frustration with the situation.

 "I don't even want to think about it anymore. I'm just... I'm so tired." Lena got the impression Percy wasn't just talking about physical exhaustion. 

 She rolled over so she was curled against his side, her head on his chest. "Tomorrow will be better." She promised, forcing some reassurance into her tone.

 "Except that it won't be. Don't ever comfort me with a lie, Lena." Percy chastised.

 "How do you know it won't be? I wasn't aware you could see the future. Tell me, how might I acquire such a skill?" Lena snarked.

 "Because it's never better! At least during the war, it was simple. You did whatever you had to do to survive. It was instinctual, keep yourself alive. Now- now I can't hardly get out of bed. I'm _tired_. Weary in a way my young body has no right understanding. I see all these first years running around, and yeah, you can see the war affected them. The way they're overly cautious. Careful in a way they have no right to be at such a tender age. But then I look around my common room, at all the older kids. All the ones that saw battle and I  _ache_. I ache for the loss of innocence, of security. We'll never feel safe again because we were raised in a time where safety meant taking a brand and serving a madman. And what the _fuck_ are we supposed to do with that?!" Percy was yelling by the end, tears slipping out of the corners of his eyes.

 Lena pushed herself closer, wrapping her arms around him as best she could. She was new to this whole comforting thing, but she would try. For them, she would do anything.

* * *

  "Lena! If you're going to Hogsmead you better get moving, or you'll be late for your lunch date!" Oliver shouted through the door. 

 "Dammit." Lena groaned, rolling away from Percy who was barely beginning to stir. 

 She started stripping on her way to the bathroom, sending the trail of clothes to the hamper with an absent minded flick of her wand. 

 Once finished, she rushed around, pulling one of her good silk dresses from the wardrobe along with her lined cloak. November had brought cold winds and freezing rain with a vengeance. 

 "Percy!" Lena shouted as she ran her wand over her hair to dry it. "Have you seen my soft leather flats?" 

 Percy appeared in the doorway. "Under the bed." He eyed the floor length emerald dress. "I thought you were going for lunch in Hogsmead, not an evening at the Met." 

 "My life is one big bloody show, alright? This is how I'm supposed to be dressed when in public. Now you see why I wear my school robes on the weekend?" Lena snapped, dropping to her knees to find her shoes.

 "Nice dress." Oliver commented, looking over Percy's shoulder.

 "The next person that comments on my outfit, will be hexed within an inch of their existence. Are we clear?" She snarled from the mirror where she was twisting her hair into an elegant chignon.

 Both boys took a seat on the bed to watch her finish getting ready. "Why do you have to dress like that?" Oliver asked curiously, eyeing the draped bodice and fitted sleeves.

 Lena heaved a sigh. "Because Pureblood High Society is stuck painfully somewhere in the middle ages." She explained seriously while patting on a soft, shimmery blush, giving her a strawberries and cream complexion. "Percy, on the dresser is an indigo perfume bottle, bring it to me please." She requested as she cast a charm to keep her make-up in place. 

 Once she had the requested item, she sprayed it on each of her pulse points, releasing a warm, spicy-sweet fragrance.

 "Time?" She asked, shaking her head and using her wand to fix her hair. 

 "You have five minutes to get out the door." Oliver answered.

 "SHIT!" Lena swore loudly, causing her companions to jump. She hopped towards the bed, pulling on her shoes, straightened her dress and practically ran out the door. 

 "Lena!" Oliver appeared behind her with her cloak and her wand.

 "Merlin almighty!" Lena cursed, swinging her cloak over her shoulders and tucking her wand. "I'll see you in a bit. Meet me at the Three Broomsticks in two hours. I should have news of your parents." She blew both boys a kiss and hurried down the corridor.

* * *

 "Lena! You look radiant, darling!" Blaise stood to take her cloak. "That color is lovely on you." He complimented.

 "Thank you, Blaise. How is your family?" She asked politely.

 "Very well, thank you. I'm loathe to do this but lunch is going to have to be a quick affair today, Phillipe and I have an appointment with the caterer at half one. 

 "Well then, I suggest we get down to business." Lena remarked.

 Blaise pulled a bulging manila envelope from his robe, skidding it across the table to her.

 As Lena began going through it, Blaise explained the situation.

 "They were hiding in Germany. Now, Draco was charged with providing all the information he could gather about the muggleborn resistance members. He tried to keep the more... important bits to himself. He overheard Oliver talking about sending his parents to his brother in Germany one day. I think it's very important for you to know that he did not relay this to the Dark Lord. I tried tracked his brother down. Apparently he was killed in a car accident 18months ago. Now, near as I can tell his parents never made it that far, anyway. So I backtracked. Retraced their steps. That's when I found this." Blaise ruffled through the pictures spread on the table before coming up with one of a rather imposing manor. "Meet the Helsels. Upper Class Pureblood and sympathetic to the Dark Lord's campaign. Oliver's parents were taken here. At the end of three long months, his mother was dead." Blaise gave Lena a hard look at the gasp that escaped her. "I found his father in an asylum about twenty miles away. I've had him moved to St. Mungos. They are tentatively hopeful that they may be able to reverse some of the damage. He will never be...well, but he should recover at least some of his wits." 

 Lena nodded, already dreading giving Oliver the news. "You have used the account I set up?" She inquired.

 "Yes. Once he is released from St Mungos he will be moved to a cottage in the country with a full time mediwitch." He responded.

 "Do I need to transfer more money?" She asked, still shuffling through all the paperwork.

 "No, there's more than enough there to ensure Mr. Milner receives the best care money can buy. Oh. And I bought the cottage outright. The deed is in there somewhere." Blaise assured her. "I'm sorry love but I really must go. I wish I could have brought you better news." He swept her into a tight hug and kissed her cheek. "Oh, Draco has begun going through Theo's things. He hoped you could clear a day during Yule to collect anything you may want."

 Lena nodded sharply. "I'll send him an owl on the morrow." She assured.

 Blaise gave her one final hug before leaving her in the rowdy pub. She had an hour until Oliver and Percy showed up. Just an hour to figure out how the hell she was going to explain this mess, how she was going to break her friends heart.

* * *

 

 


	13. Were You Honest With Every Version of Yourself?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I felt really bad about how I ended the last chapter and decided I should update sooner rather than later.  
> As always, a huge thank you to anyone who gives this story a chance.  
> ColeyandCo, who is pretty My co-conspirator. I hope you know you're basically the only reason this story is still going <3

 Lena tasted bile as Percy and Oliver came into view, picking their way across the crowded pub. She felt sweat prick at her temples and had to force her hands to remain in her lap. 

 The boys stumbled into the seats across from her, goofy grins plastered on their faces. One look at Lena had them sobering.

 "They're dead, aren't they?" Oliver whispered, but despite the noise, Lena heard every word like a sharp sting.

 "It's... it's a bit more complicated than that, I'm afraid." Lena responded, turning the envelope upside down to scatter the pictures across the scarred surface. She began to explain in a halting voice what had happened. Every whimper from Oliver cut Lena to the quick. She reached across the table for his hand, trying to offer some comfort. When he jerked away from her, Lena felt it like a stinging slap. 

 "Perhaps we should head for the castle." Percy suggested softly. 

 The three gathered their things and exited the pub, passing Reese and Jack who were on their way in. 

 Reese grabbed Oliver's arm, alarmed by the tears streaming down the boy's face. "What's wrong, Ollie?" 

 "Piss off!" He hissed, snatching his arm away violently and slamming out of the pub.

* * *

 

 The trio was just rounding the first bend in the road when Lena heard what sounded like several bodies shuffling around in the woods to her left. She turned her head towards the disturbance, but before she could draw her wand, she had been hit by a stunner. As she fell she smacked her head against a protruding stone on the edge of the path. Blood began pooling beneath her almost instantly.

 Oliver and Percy found themselves under fire before they could even comprehend the situation.

 They tried to edge forward to cover Lena's prone form, but they were overmatched 3 to 1. It was all they could do to keep themselves safe.

 Oliver watched in horror as a tall, slim Slytherin stepped toward Lena, wand extended. He couldn't make out the words, but he didn't need to. The next moment familiar black, sticky threads were oozing from his wand to settle into Lena's chest, causing the blue veins to run black for a moment before seeping into her bloodstream.

 The distraction was all that was needed. In the next moment, Oliver was sent flying into a tree by the tall boy.

 Percy instinctively turned toward Oliver's body, his distraction was awarded with a deep cutting hex to his right shoulder. He smelled the metallic tang of blood as it drenched the side of his jumper. He threw his wand to his other hand and continued dueling with the remaining two Slytherins. He managed to drop the brunette girl with little effort, a matter of timing a body bind to hit as soon as her shield wavered. But, the tall boy was proving to be a right pain in Percy's arse. Surprisingly, it was the snakes triumphant smirk that sent Percy over the edge. He sent a flurry of spells the Slytherins way in a blind rage. Apparently one hit, because next thing Percy knows, he's the only one left standing.

 Right then, Reese came sprinting around the corner, Jack on his heels. 

 His eyes met Percy's across the wreckage and a sense of nostalgia came over him so strongly he nearly forgot where he was.

 'We've just been attacked. Lena and Oliver are injured. This isn't the battle. This isn't the battle. This isn't the battle.' Ran in a litany through his head, keeping him grounded to the problem at hand.

 "We need some help." Percy swayed on his feet.

 Reese gave a sharp nod before shifting into action.

* * *

  "Perseus! Go grab three Blood Replenishers out of my stores! Reese, come here and hold her head!" Madame Pomfrey shouted as she worked on stabilizing Lena. "Did anyone see the spell she was hit with?"

 "Maybe Oliver..." Percy offered.

 "Oh, lovely. Well then, Percy, take over for Reese. Reese, I need you to work on Oliver. I have to know what happened if I have any hope of fixing it." She snapped. 

 It took half an hour to get Lena's respiratory rate back up, though she still had no pupil reaction. Another 15 minutes passed before Oliver sat up, rubbing his head.

 "Oliver!" Reese shouted "Oliver focus, okay? I need you to tell me what happened to Lena. Do you remember?" 

 At the sound of her name, Oliver shot out of bed reaching for his wand. He looked around wildly before his eyes landed on Lena's prone form. 

 "Arresto Cardiactum." He whispered, rushing to the bedside.

 Madame Pomfrey went ghost pale. "You're quite sure?" She asked.

 Oliver nodded. "I saw it used once during battle." 

 "Anyone care to fill the rest of the class in?" Percy demanded, he had situated himself next to her, holding a slim hand sandwiched between both of his.

 "It causes the heart to go into cardiac arrest once it reaches a certain beats per minute." Oliver explained quietly. "The only thing that saved her life was the bump on her head, it dropped her bpm low enough to buy her some time."

 "So, we perform the counter." Percy reasoned.

 Oliver shook his head. "This is dark magic, Percy. The counter is just as dangerous as the actual spell."

 "So we leave her to die?!" Percy shouted, looking down at the much too pale teen.

 "No. We keep her in stasis until we figure something else out." Pomfrey decided. "Now, her family needs to be informed, and I must report to the Headmisstress. That boy is never going to set foot on these grounds again." She muttered the last bit darkly, heading to her office.

 "Oliver. What are the odds?" Reese asked in a small voice.

 "Not good. I'd give her 1 in 15, factoring in the unknown head injury." His voice was devoid of emotion.

 Reese immediately burst into tears, wrapping his arms around himself tightly. Jack rushed forward just as Percy made a motion to stand. To everyone's surprise, Reese pushed him away.

 "I think you should go." He whispered, not looking at the shorter boy.

 "But I-" Jack spluttered

 "Please. I need to be with my friends right now, okay?" Reese begged.

 As Jack stomped from the hospital ward, Reese collapsed into Oliver's arms. "She- she has to be okay. Please, Oliver! You h-have to fix her." He begged, the rest of his pleas getting swallowed up in heartwrenching sobs.

 Percy took in the scene across from him. Reese was tucked into Oliver's shoulder, clinging to the taller teen like he wanted to crawl inside him. Oliver's face was hard, his expression somewhat cold. Percy knew that face. He was trying to distance himself. He needed to think rationally and he couldn't do that with all the emotion swirling around the room. Finally, he gave a sharp jerk of the head.

 "Reese." He murmured, surprisingly gentle. "Buddy, go sit with Percy. I have to go get some things from the library, okay?" He lead the Hufflepuff over to Percy's waiting embrace. He made sure Reese was settled before brushing a kiss across Lena's forehead and rushing from the ward.


	14. Our Hearts Are Heavy Burdens We Shouldn't Have to Bear Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! As always, thank you to everyone who even gives this a shot! You're great!  
> ColeyandCo, for being my cheer leader and soothing my insecurities with my writing (especially last chapter.) You are the best! I'm so lucky you found my story! <3

 "Move!" Oliver's muffled voice came from behind a towering stack of tattered looking books as he maneuvered his way to Lena's bed.

 A girl with flame coloured hair jumped up to take some of the stack leaning precariously to the left.

 "Where do you want these?" She asked as Oliver's face came into view.

 "Who th'fuck are you?" He demanded, using his foot to maneuver a chair closer to Lena's bed before dropping the stack of books there, he indicated she should do the same.

 "Arianna Grey." The girl responded, bending to straighten the haphazard stack.

 "I didn't realize Lena had a sister." Oliver looked at the unconscious girl, wondering what else he didn't know.

 "She does. It just isn't me. I'm her cousin, by marriage." Arianna replied. "So, why did you bring what looks like half the restricted section to the hospital wing?" 

 "I took every book that even mentioned the curse Lena was hit with." Oliver explained, settling himself in and grabbing one off the top of the pile. "I'm Oliver, by the way." He added as an afterthought.

 "Yes, I know who you are. Lena told me all about you three." And was it just Percy, or did she seem a bit disapproving? 

 "Madame Pince let you take all those books? She barely lets me in the library!" Percy exclaimed.

 "Gee, I wonder why." Oliver dead panned before shrugging. "She likes me."

 The four settled in, Reese still leaning against Percy's shoulder, Arianna with her spine stiff, her copper silk gown flowing gracefully to the floor as she crossed her legs, and Oliver, his right ankle rested over his left knee, book situated in his lap, one hand flipping pages, the other holding Lena's hand.

 This was the scene Gaius and his wife, Penelope, walked into an hour later.

 "Fuck!" Oliver shouted, throwing the third book aside. He had yet to notice the new arrivals.

 "Charming." 

 All four teenagers swiveled towards the new voice, the three boys reaching for wands. 

 Arianna jumped up, going to welcome her family. "Penelope, you look stunning in that gown!" She exclaimed. "Gaius! 30 suits you!" She gave an impish grin.

 "Oi! Watch it! I'm not quite there yet!" He exclaimed with mock affront. He glanced over his cousin's shoulder, eyeing the other three occupants. 

 "And you are?" He asked, eyebrow raised.

 Percy stood first. "Perseus Bones, sir." He offered his hand for Gaius to shake.

 Reese was next. "Reese Penn. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." He then turned to Penelope, addressing her directly and earning a gasp from everyone familiar with Pureblood culture. "You must be Penelope. Lena has spoken of you often." He then leaned forward and captured the bemused woman in a hug. 

 Percy appeared behind Reese suddenly. "Reese." He murmured so only the other teen could hear him. "It is considered very rude to address a married Pureblood directly before her husband has introduced her." He explained urgently.

 Reese felt a blush blossom across his cheeks. "Well that's absolutely ridiculous." He whispered, perhaps too loudly, as Penelope gave a chuckle and Oliver snorted indelicately from his position by Lena's bed. 

 "I'm terribly sorry to have committed such a social foul." He directed towards Gaius.

 "Not at all, I suppose we can't expect you to understand our rules." Gaius sighed, but unlike the patient way Lena excused them (before inevitably explaining why what they did was improper.) Gaius seemed... dissatisfied somehow.

 "Well, it's not as if anyone is actually stepping up to teach us!" Oliver defended. "The majority of us enter this world with little to no knowledge of Purebloods, and it's not like there's a class we can take!"

 "If it weren't for Lena, we wouldn't know shit about your culture." Reese agreed. "Well, except Percy. But even his knowledge is basic, at best."

 Before the conversation could get much further, Madame Pomfrey swept from her office.

 "Mr. Milner, what are all these books doing in my hospital wing?" Instead of stern she sounded mostly exasperated.

 "I'm looking for a solution. That requires books." He explained patiently, without even looking up from the ancient text in his lap.

 "Yes, but half the restricted section?" He questioned.

 "What is it with you people! It isn't half the bloody section! There are barely 40 books here!" He snapped.

 "Ravenclaw, then." Gaius guessed, a smile blooming across his face.

 Oliver looked up for the first time since Gaius had arrived. "Yeah, I'm Oliver." He offered, holding out his hand but refusing to move away from Lena.

 Gaius stepped forward. "Thank you for working so hard to find a safer alternative." He offered.

 Oliver nodded. "Sorry for using such foul language."

 Gaius smirked. "I can understand your frustration. Besides, I've said worse during Quidditch matches." He admitted. 

 Everyone pulled up chairs. There was nothing to do but wait for someone to find something. Gaius had joined Oliver, grabbing a book and settling in, Penelope pulled out some knitting and carried on a soft conversation with Reese and Arianna.

* * *

 

 "Where's Ariadne?" Arianna asked.

 Ariadne was the Grey Matriarch. "Currently on a magic-free retreat in Sweden." Gaius replied stonily. The conversation ended there.

 It had been four days since the attack, and everyone except  Oliver had been in and out of the ward. Leaving to eat, sleep, or, in the other teens' cases, go to class. Madame Pomfrey had written him an excuse, stating she required his assistance in finding a cure. She was mostly keeping him there out of concern. He looked dreadful, dark circles leaving rings around his hazel eyes, his complexion had acquired and unhealthy pallor, and he was eating with decreasing frequency.

 "Oliver, why don't you go get some rest." Gaius suggested gently one evening. "I'll stay with her, tonight." 

 Oliver shook his head absentmindedly, turning the page of the current tome he was pouring over.

 "Oliver-" he began again, only to be cut off by Percy.

 "Uhm, Gaius? Could I talk to you? Over there maybe?" He requested awkwardly, motioning to the other side of the ward. 

 Gaius stood gracefully and paced over to where Percy stood.

 "Listen, I know he looks like hell, but he's had a lot dumped on his plate this week. And fixing Lena... well he needs something to focus on. Besides, I reckon he feels like he owes her." Percy explained, staring at his feet.

 "What do you mean he owes her?" Gaius demanded.

 Percy looked uncomfortable. "Oliver sent his parents into hiding when the war got bad. Sent them to Germany to be with his brother, except they didn't make it. They were captured and now his mum and Eric are dead and his dad is in the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungos. Lena was the one who found them. Well, she sent someone to find them. Either way, it's was her."

 "So he's doing this out of some misplaced sense of duty?" 

 "No! He cares for Lena a lot. We all do! He just really needs something else to focus on right now... He's under a great deal of stress. It'll be better once Lena wakes up. She'll know what to do, she always does." Percy rushed to assure Gaius.

 As they went back to Lena's bedside, Gaius gave her a critical stare. She was making friends, which was good. She had never been great at that, most of her free time had been spent with either Theo or Ari. He was pleasantly surprised to find they were all from different houses. His dad would be so proud of her. Something Percy said kept ringing in his ears, though. 'She'll know what to do, she always does.' What did he mean by that? As far as Gaius knew, Lena wasn't much of a problem solver. She also wasn't one for people, or feelings. She found them messy and confusing. So what was this about finding some muggleborn's parents? Suddenly something slid into place. When Gaius was going over the finances last month, he noticed a sizable withdrawal from the family vaults. Not enough to raise alarm, not even enough to make a dent in the family fortune, what caught his eye was the fact that it was Lena who made the withdrawal. He had intended to send her an owl to ensure everything was okay, he had assumed she was paying someone to leave her alone. He now knew she used that money to find and care for people she didn't even know. 

 Gaius found himself even more confused. His little sister wasn't the caring sort. Most Pureblood women weren't, it's why the kids were raised by house elves. Had she sustained a head injury in the battle? Maybe he should have been more firm with his demand for her to see a healer... ' Or perhaps,' a voice in the back of his head began ' the war changed her.' And that made sense, in a way. Her whole future had been shattered. The life that had been planned, and the person she had needed to be in order to fit that life, were no longer relevant. Perhaps, now that she had the opportunity, she was trying to figure out who she was. Without an engagement, and a fiancè from an elitist family. Perhaps she was just as confused as he was.

 Either way, Gaius knew he wouldn't get any answers until she woke, it was useless worrying at this point.  


	15. Broken Hearts Hurt, But They Make Us Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now we're starting to get into the meat of the story (yes, yes it took me long enough, I know) but I needed to set it up properly.  
> As always, I appreciate everyone who stops by!  
> ColeyandCo, because you're fantastic and lovely and ugh. Here's another chapter for you, darling! <3

 It was approaching two weeks since the attack when Oliver suddenly sat bolt upright in his chair, his fingers tracing back over the paragraph he had just read. 

 "I FOUND IT! MADAME POMFREY! MADAME POMFREY I FOUND IT!" He shouted, startling the other four, and causing Percy to fall out of the seat he'd been dozing in.

 Madame Pomfrey came rushing in from her office. "You found...?"

 Oliver nodded enthusiastically, the first honest smile since the attack stretching his hollowed cheeks awkwardly. He pointed to the faded passage, and she leaned to read over his shoulder.

 "It could work." She agreed, but she still looked troubled.

 "Would anyone care to share with the class?" Arianna snapped.

 "I found a spell. It's....it's dead complicated, but it should work, right?" He looked up at the Matron.

 "It's the best solution we have, and I'm afraid we can't keep her in stasis much longer, we need to deal with the head injury, and we can't do that until she's awake and I'm able to determine the extent of the damage." She nodded.

 "Complicated....How?" Gaius asked.

 "It's a spell to draw dark magic out. But, we'll need a container to hold it in. And...." Oliver trailed off. When Gaius made a motion to continue he picked back up. "She won't wake up if she doesn't have the will to. It's something to do with the taint of the magic. She's basically been trapped in a prison if her own worst memories for two weeks." He finished miserably. 

 "Well shit." Percy sighed, dropping his head into his hands.

 Everyone nodded their agreement.

 "Oliver?" Madame Pomfrey murmured, her attention still focused on the book she had taken from the teen. "Oliver, I can't perform this spell." 

 Oliver nodded. "I know. I'm going to have to do it. I already figured that." 

 "Not that I don't have every confidence in your magical ability, but I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with a kid holding my sister's life in his hands." Gaius piped up.

 "You think I feel any better? If I bollocks this up-" Oliver's voice broke. "If I bollocks this up, she could die." 

 "Why can't you do it, Madame Pomfrey?" Reese asked curiously.

 "It has to be performed by someone 'Thrice tainted by the arts of Hades, yet has not themselves succumbed.'" He quoted.

 "Thrice? But I thought-" Percy began.

 "Diagon Alley." Oliver reminded shortly. Percy nodded.

 "You've always been a magnet for dark spells. I remember that attack in London when it was deflected off an Auror's shield and hit you." Reese grinned.

 "Yeah. Got a week in St. Mungos for that one." Oliver muttered.

  "I'm sorry, a dark magic magnet?" Gaius questioned uncomfortably. 

 Oliver blushed in embarrassment. "Every time I got caught in a skirmish during the war, which was often, I almost always got hit with a dark curse. For some reason I just seem to attract them. And it doesn't matter what I do, it's like Reese said, one bounced off another person's shield and hit me. What are the odds?"

 Penelope looked thoughtful. "What spells were they?"

 "The first was a Sectumsempra. Dead lucky Professor Snape was close or I'd have died. Then there was the weird one that forced me to speak in limericks. That one took a month to break. There were several more minor ones like that. The ones that are irritating but not necessarily dangerous. Then, in Diagon Alley, I was hit with a curse that made my blood literally boil, it was only Reese's quick thinking that saved my skin that time. And, my personal favourite, the one that made me feel like my brain was on fire and I had had gasoline for breakfast." He ticked off on his fingers, looking thoughtful.

 "And this is the person I'm entrusting my sister's life to. Great. He clearly has fantastic luck." Gaius rolled his eyes, giving Oliver a small smirk to let him know he was joking. 

 "Speaking of, we're all agreed? Oliver's going to have to memorize this ridiculously complicated Latin?" Reese asked the group.

 Everyone nodded and began gathering everything they would need.

* * *

 Oliver was pretty sure he couldn't do this. 

 Not to say he didn't have faith in his ability as a wizard, he did. He just couldn't help but think that this was a little too big for him. 

 He knew, logically, why it had to be him. The residual dark magic clinging to him would call to the curse, reach for it and draw it out. His body would be used as a bridge between her body and whatever artifact he chose to use. He knew all this. 

 But what he hadn't told them, what only himself and the mediwitch knew, was that it was his job to find her. The spell would create a passage between their minds, and he would have to, literally, dive into her subconscious and talk her out. 

 He couldn't imagine anyone less suited to do that than himself.

 He cared about Lena. A lot. Truly. Okay, sure, they had gotten off on the very wrong foot, but that was in the past. They were fine now, they just weren't close. Not like her and Percy, and he couldn't help but think that out of all of them, he knew her the least. He didn't know what to say or how to convince her to come back. He was all awkward interaction and social ineptitude, what the hell did everyone expect? 

  But then he thought about everything she had done for him. Keeping him distracted while they waited for news, being strong late at night when he was exhausted but the adrenaline from the latest nightmare wouldn't give him rest, dosing him with various potions because she was concerned about him, finishing his potions essay when he fell asleep working on it. Even breaking the news to him about his parents. Those weren't easy things to do, especially for someone so unused to having friends, people around who need to be worried about and maybe loved on a little. Her hugs were still a little awkward, but she squeezed you tight and held you just a little bit longer. She was trying. And that was a very big deal to Oliver. So many people had given up after the war. 

 And Oliver wasn't an idiot. He knew she was paying for his father's care. Knew she had bought a cottage for him, big enough that Oliver could live with him. Knew she had planned for all eventualities, including this one (that was the good thing about a Slytherin, they were very prepared, kinda like boy scouts.) He had seen the orders for St. Mungos. She was to be sent a weekly update including any progress, roadblocks, or set backs in his recovery. 

 If reading a weekly missive full of medical terminology you would have to spend hours translating and researching wasn't love, Oliver didn't know what was.

 So he had to do this. He had to do this because she was one of his best friends. Because, if she died, who would hold him late at night when the monsters were just a tad too real? Who would slip calming draughts and nutrient potions into his tea? Who would hold his hand and be his back bone? Who would remind him that, despite all the pain and grief, the sun would come up, the world would keep spinning, and he would be okay? 

 But more than that, Lena was just figuring it out. And, goddammit, she deserved the chance to do so!

 No, despite his fear he had to do this. He needed her. They all did. 

 So, after everything she had done for them, it was time for them to do for her.

* * *

 Oliver sat beside Lena's bed that night, slipping a large silver coin through his long fingers. It was well past midnight and everyone else had retired for the evening.

 "The spell says I need to use something meaningful to push the magic into. Something significant. It acts as a gift to you, a sacrifice. I wanted to tell you the story of this coin." He told the unconscious girl conversationally. He wound his free hand around hers before continuing. "My Pappy immigrated to England from here in Scotland when he was 17. He wanted a better life than farming and drinking himself to death. He wanted happiness and opportunity and comfort. The day he left home, his mam gave him this coin. Told him she loved him, and she wished she had more to offer him. To him, this coin meant everything. He had been fighting his parents for months about leaving home. And here it was, all the acceptance, love, and blessing he needed in a silver pound coin." Oliver was quiet for a long while, thinking. "That pound coin was all he had in his pockets when he got to London. Instead of spending it, he chose to keep it. Perhaps because of the sentiment, perhaps because if he had spent it, he would have nothing; whatever it was, he kept this coin. And pretty soon his life began falling into place. He found a great job with a publishing company, met my Nana at a street fair, fell in love, settled down. He worked his way to the top, ended up owning the entire company. Despite all the millions of pounds he had, he still kept a hold of this one coin. It became a reminder to him, to work hard and persevere. That good things always come to the patient, to the quietly determined. It's always sort of been a good luck symbol in my family. My Pappy gave it me when I explained the war that was coming summer after fourth year. He told me I needed it more than he did. I never went anywhere without it. 

 So tomorrow I'm going to perform this spell. I'm going to push that curse into this coin and pray that it's enough. I know you aren't going to want to wake up. I know you're tired. I know you're scared, but you aren't alone. I know it feels like it, but we've all been here, everyday. You've spent so much time saving everyone else, it's my turn to repay you. I won't let you down."

 

 

  

 


	16. I Burnt Out Like A Bright Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to everyone who clicked on this story, who gave it a shot.  
> ColeyandCo, you already know.

 "You ready Ollie?" Reese had his hand on Oliver's shoulder, rubbing absentminded circles into the hollow of the blade. 

 "If I say no will someone else do it?" He murmured.

 Percy shot him an unamused look. "It has to be you, Ollie. I would have done it if I could have, but it has to be you."

 "Yeah, yeah." He muttered.

 Everything was in place for the spell, and everyone was looking at him, waiting. He took a step up to the bedside and looked down at Lena. Her hair had lost its shine, her skin looked translucent, and ugly black veins had began spider webbing across her chest, up her neck, creeping closer to a porcelain cheek. The Dark magic, unable to do its job, had instead begun wrecking havoc wherever it could reach. She had started coughing blood yesterday when the magic attempted to shred her lungs. They really couldn't afford to wait any longer. 

 "Right." Oliver sighed, rolling his neck. He began to recite the spell, wand moving in a figure eight over Lena's chest. He nearly let out a whoop when a soft blue light flowed from his wand, into her chest.

 Before he could so much as breathe, he felt a gentle tug at his consciousness. Right, it was time. Okay. He could do this. He closed his eyes and just kind of went with it. His consciousness sort of flowed out of him, like water, slipping and tripping past all the barriers in Lena's mind until he was standing in a long hallway full of doors.

 Great. 

 It was his job to find her in this mess.

 He tried the door on his right. He grinned as he watched a five year old Lena chase a butterfly through an open field. A tall, attractive man with Lena's eyes and wide smile, followed her laughing. 

 Oliver shut the door. She obviously wasn't here, the book said she would be reliving her worst memories. 

 Knowing Lena, there would be a system to how she stores memories. 

 Walking over to the opposite door, he pushed it open. Lena couldn't have been more than six, stood in front of an angry looking man with dark hair and cold, flat eyes. The man was giving Lena a talking to, but the words were muffled and distant. Oliver watched in horror as the man slapped the little girl hard, causing her head to snap left at the impact. A bright red hand print immediately formed on her cheek. Oliver was amazed as he watched Lena slowly straighten, staring the man in the eyes. No tears had been shed, no whimpers heard. As the man raised his hand to strike her again, she bolted, slipping through the doorway and out of Oliver's sight.

 With his suspicions confirmed, Oliver closed the door. So her memories were stored in chronological order, good memories on the right, bad on the left. Good. That made his job that much easier.

 He began going door to door down the left side of the hallway. Staying long enough to sweep the room for the teen, before exiting and going to the next. He had no business viewing her memories, he was here for a purpose. Besides, he shuddered to imagine what she would do to him if she found out he had violated her privacy like that.

 Despite his best efforts, Oliver still caught bits and pieces of various memories. After a particularly difficult one of what looked to be a Death Eater party, involving several muggle girls being raped, a lot of agonized screaming and blood; Oliver slammed the door before sliding down the wall. He rested his head in his hands. He wasn't even halfway down the hall and already some of the things he'd seen made him sick. He never truly appreciated Lena's precarious position in the war. No wonder she was so fucked up, she had seen the worst both sides had to offer. 

 He looked at the doors opposite him. They were spread out a lot further than the doors on the left. Probably one on the right to every three on the left, and the ratio made him really sad. He stood and walked to the door hesitantly. He didn't want to invade her privacy, but after what he had just seen, he needed something to remind him of the good of the world.

 He cautiously edged the door open, peaking around the jamb. What he saw pulled him up short. He was watching a boy sneak across, what he recognized from an earlier memory, as Lena's bedroom. Oliver glanced to the window and saw snow. Must be Yule. 

 He watched in interest as the boy slid into bed behind Lena, running a wide palm over her hip to wake her.

 Lena blinked slowly, taking her time waking up. As the sleep cleared from her eyes, Oliver watched as she smiled beautifully at the older teen, pulling him into a deep kiss.

 "I missed you." His voice rumbled deep and quiet against her lips as he wrapped his arms around her slim waist, pulling her to straddle his lap.

 At his words, she kissed him again, earnestly. "I missed you as well."

  The boy began kissing across her jawline and down her throat, whispering sweet words, and confessions of love into her warm skin. 

 When he got to her collarbone, Oliver saw his tongue dart out, licking along the prominent ridge. At Lena's soft moan, Oliver felt himself grow hot. He quickly exited the memory, taking a moment in the hallway to slow his pounding heart. That hadn't been exactly what he had in mind to cheer him up.

 He filed the memory away for later contemplation, he had things he needed to get done for now.

 He knew he had to continue on; so with a soul deep sigh, Oliver moved to the next door on his left.

* * *

 

 It felt like hours had passed. A repetition of empty rooms and slamming doors. So monotonous he had gone on autopilot and almost missed Lena.

 She was curled up in the corner of the room, dried tear tracks stained her cheeks but she had long since quit shedding them. Her eyes were dead and cold, an ocean just after the storm. They tracked the movement of the memory, but Oliver paid it no mind. He cautiously approached the other teen. Carefully watching her reactions. As he came into her periphery, she slowly dragged flat eyes to his face, a spark of something flickered before dying out; engulfed in the endless abyss of her mind.

 "Lena?" He murmured. "Talk to me, love."

 "Why did it stop?"

 Oliver flinched at the raw, broken whisper. It sounded like she had spent days screaming. With a jolt (and a fair amount of guilt) he realized she probably had. 

 "I got rid of the magic. I pulled it out of you. It can't hurt you anymore, darling. Come on." He held his hand out to her, faltering when she just stared at it before dropping her head back to the floor. Staring blankly ahead.

 Oliver suddenly remembered the first night they had spent in the shared rooms. How Percy had spooned up behind Lena. At first she tensed, but then she relaxed until she fell asleep. Maybe if he held her-

 "You don't belong here." That same painful whisper carried to him.

 "Why not?" He asked absently, sliding closer to her.

 "This is a place for bad memories. You aren't a bad memory, you're one of the best I have." She told him matter of factly.

 Oliver felt tears pool in his eyes as he dropped down to sit behind her.

 "Lena, you have to come with me. I'm going to get you out of here. Would you like that?" He prodded, wrapping arms around her slight frame.

 "I'm emotionally compromised, not stupid Oliver. Please refrain from speaking to me like a small child lost in Diagon Alley." 

Oliver felt his heart soar at the snarky retort. It sounded wrong being said with so little emotion, but she said it none the less.

 They fell silent for a little while, but Oliver was pleased every time Lena rested a little more of her weight against him. He looked up at the sound of glass breaking. 

 He watched as the same boy from the other memory staggered into Lena's room, bottle of Ogden's Best in hand.

 They both watched the scene play out. The boy, obviously drunk, screaming at Lena, brandishing the freshly branded mark in her face.

 "This memory is the only time he ever raised his voice to me." Lena murmured. "It was the night he and Blaise took the mark. Draco had tried for months to get them out of it but Quincy had recently married Blaise's mother and had offered Theo and Blaise up for service. Quincy was a despicable bastard. I sincerely hope he rots in hell." Though her words were strong, the flat tone with which she conveyed them didn't completely convince Oliver. 

 "Lena, we have to go okay? Everyone has been waiting for you." Oliver murmured in her ear, trying to break her concentration on the memory in front of her. 

 She shook her head. "I'm so tired."

  "I know, dearheart, but we really should get out of here." He coaxed.

 "I don't want to." She refused flatly.

 "Lena." He sighed tiredly.

 "I'm tired, Oliver. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm done."   

 "Don't you fucking dare do this. The world is finally starting to put itself back together and you're just gonna quit? I don't fucking think so. Get your ass up, we're getting the hell out of here." Oliver stated firmly.

  "Piss off. I'm too tired to deal with you right now."

 "You can sleep after you've seen everyone. It would be rude to keep everyone waiting." It was the only thing he could think to do, play on her impeccable manners. He knew he would never be able to talk her out of here.

 That seemed to snap something inside of her. She stood automatically, straightening her dress. Oliver sat, dumbfounded that it had worked. He knew Purebloods valued manners, but for them to be so ingrained that the fear of causing offense overrode any suicidal notion? The idea was as fascinating as it was disgusting to Oliver, but he was honestly mostly just thankful at this point. He stood and took her hand, leading her back into the hall. As soon as they crossed the threshold, Oliver felt his consciousness being pulled back, the same flowing water feeling from before. He turned and gave Lena one last smile before everything faded to black.

* * *

  Lena could not believe how much her head hurt. She groaned, turning her face away from the sunlight falling across her bed.

 She heard someone stand and draw the curtains.

 "Lena? Sweetheart, I need you to open your eyes." Madame Pomfrey. So she was in the hospital wing. Thank Merlin. Her head hurt to the point of nausea. Oh, she was supposed to be opening her eyes. Right. 

 She blinked slowly, taking in her surroundings almost lazily. What the hell happened? It was hard to think over the pounding in her head.

 "Look at me, Miss. Grey." Lena instinctively turned towards the voice. 

 "Do you rememb-" the matron was interrupted by a gasp, followed by Reese excitedly shouting:

 "He's awake! Madame Pomfrey, Oliver is awake!"

 Lena jerked toward the sound of Reese's voice, reaching blindly. A familiar, long fingered hand wrapped around hers, squeezing tight. She turned her head to the right, her oceanic eyes meeting his golden hazel. He gave her a crooked grin, and for some reason an image of them standing together in a hallway came to mind. She shook it off and took a good look at her friend.

 He looked awful. Pale and tired and sick. 

 "You look like shit." She rasped from a dry throat.

 Everyone went dead quiet before Oliver's deep laugh echoed through the empty ward.

 "You're not looking so hot yourself." He shot back, squeezing her hand. 

 "Can I sleep yet?" She wasn't sure what made her ask.

 "Yeah. I'll be here when you wake up." He promised.

 With that, Lena curled onto her side, pulling their entwined hands to her chest.


	17. The Kind of Hope They All Talk About

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the first time in the history of this story that I actually know what's going to happen.  
> This chapter deals with all the repercussions for Lena and Oliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for checking this story out!  
> ColeyandCo: the constructive criticism was more than welcome and gladly received! Thank you oh so much for reading and working hard to make me a better writer(: You deserve cookies!

 Lena woke in the middle of the night to cold fingers stroking through her hair. She blinked slowly, taking in her surroundings. She turned her face into the touch and smiled when she found Oliver sitting in the chair next to her bed. 

 He returned her smile and murmured a greeting.

 "Hi." She whispered back. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

 "Can't. Still too wired from the spell." He answered. He had moved closer so they could converse without alerting the matron.

 "Thank you." She murmured, tracing her slim fingers along his shadowed jaw line.

 "For what?" He leaned into the warm touch, intimate in a way he was unused to.

 "For saving me." She answered simply. 

 "I couldn't just-"

 "Yes you could have. You don't owe me anything, Oliver. I'm not your project, it wasn't your job to play Doc Fix-It. But you did anyways. Maybe because your moral compass made you, maybe out of some misplaced sense of duty, or to clear some imagined debt-"

 "Perhaps none of the above. Maybe I did it because you matter, because your death would hurt a lot of people. Or because you're important to me. Maybe I need you." Oliver admitted, dropping his eyes to the thin white blanket stretched over Lena's body.

 "You don't need me Oliver. None of you do. You'd have been fine had I not made it." Lena assured him with a humorless chuckle.

 "Lena. Look at me." Lena glanced up before averting her eyes to the bedside table. "No, really look at me." And she did. She took in the dark circles ringing the pretty hazel eyes, the sickly gray of his skin. How it stretched, thin and gaunt over his sockets and cheekbones. The slight tremor to his hands, and the pathetic hang of his robes. Gone was the shiny head full of rich chestnut hair, replaced with dry, brittle strands hanging limp against his forehead. "I'm a fucking mess. I had this picture in my head, that when we finally figured out what happened to my parents, you would take me back to our rooms and hold me. The same way you hold Percy every time Reese breaks his heart, every time Reese has one of those awful flashbacks that leave him sweaty and scared and confused. I imagined you would make me spiked tea, and cuddle me and I would cry and rage and hate the world. And the grief would suck, and the pain would be unimaginable, but it'd be okay because you would be there. You would listen and soothe and, before you let me go, you would remind me that the sun would come up, the world would keep spinning, and I would be okay. And then we were attacked. And you were out for two weeks and I had no fucking clue how to cope. So I didn't. I shoved it all away because the entire time we were waiting, never once did I imagine a scenario where I would have to do this without you." Lena waited patiently, sensing he wasn't finished. "So don't tell me I don't need you! I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. How do I mourn when there isn't a body to bury? When there's no real closure? What about my da? How am I supposed to even begin to cope with that? I'm counting on you to get me through this. I'm....I'm just not strong enough to do this on my own, Lena." He admitted.

 "You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, Oliver. I didn't realize you had put so much faith in me. No wonder you were so desperate to save me-"

 "No! No, that's not what I meant at all, Lena. Quit twisting my fucking words! I love you, we all do! That's why I was so desperate to save you. We've all lost enough, wouldn't you say? The war is over. I'm sick and tired of losing people I love, we all are." He cut her off viciously.

 "I love you too." She whispered, a tear tracking down one ashen cheek. 

 Oliver shook his head, climbing into the hospital bed with her. He bundled her up in several of the blankets left at the foot of the bed, then positioned her comfortably in his arms, whispering nonsense in her ear until she fell asleep.

* * *

 Madame Pomfrey smiled indulgently at the sight that greeted her the next morning. She stood at the foot of Lena's bed and delayed waking them as long as she could. 

 She turned when she heard the whisper of the curtains parting. A sleep rumpled Reese stepped through, smiling at his friends sleeping forms.

 "I give it eight months." Reese whispered conspiratorially.

 "Until?" The matron raised an eyebrow.

 "Until they finally get it."

 "The irony of that statement coming from you, of all fucking people, is exceeding my limits at this point in the morning." Oliver spoke quietly, careful not to wake the armful of girl he had as he negotiated his way off the bed. "And until nothing. She's my friend. She couldn't sleep. And it's been a rough few weeks. Why the fuck am I justifying myself to you? You've spent the past month attached to your boyfriend at the mouth; so piss off, mate." Oliver stumbled past them towards the bathroom.

 "Oi!-" Reese began, only to find the end of a wand in his face. 

 Oliver insinuated himself into Reese's personal space "That's the best she's slept in months. If you wake her, I swear to Merlin I will-" 

 "Down, boy!" An amused voice broke the tension. Oliver turned to see Lena stretching lazily, she flashed him a warm smile.

 Madame Pomfrey came through the curtain bearing a heavily laden breakfast tray. "Oh Lena, dear, you're up! Wonderful. See if you can't get Mr. Milner to eat some breakfast. Afterwards I want to get some scans and talk about possible long term complications."

 Lena nodded her understanding before asking in a sweet, sleep softened voice: "May I please have a pain potion? My head is killing me."

 The matron gave her a sharp, appraising look. "On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your pain."

 "I'd say seven with the blinds closed and everyone speaking at a reasonable decibel."

 "Was the pain present when you woke last night?" At Lena's nod The mediwitch went on. "And you didn't call for me because?"

 Lena shrugged. "I've had worse pain." 

 "Yes, but you sustained a head injury, Miss. Grey. The migraine you are experiencing could be indicative of a larger problem." She explained patiently. Children, honestly!

 Lena had the decency to look sheepish, apologizing softly.

 Madame Pomfrey sighed. "No matter dear. I'll get that potion, you two eat. Oh, Lena, porridge only. You've been on nutrient potions for two weeks, I wouldn't try anything too complicated for a few days. Oliver? Eat slowly. I don't need you getting sick everywhere."

* * *

 The intensity of her brother's stare was making Lena uncomfortable.

 Madame Pomfrey had her get up to test several of her motor skills. They ran into a problem almost immediately.

 As Lena took her first step forward, the world seemed to tilt dangerously and she found herself reaching for Percy almost desperately, despite her brother already reaching to steady her from his place by her side.

 "As I suspected." Madame Pomfrey muttered. When everyone looked to her she sighed. "You sustained some damage to the frontal lobe of your brain. Your balance has been compromised as a result."

 Lena nodded calmly, taking the setback in stride. "Will this be permanent?"  

 "Your guess is as good as mine." The matron admitted. "I would recommend using a cane to help steady yourself, and having someone with you at all times wouldn't be a bad idea."

 Lena nodded her agreement. 

 They moved onto memory tests, which Lena fumbled on a few times. Again, it was expected. She remembered everything....except the three words the mediwitch had given her at the beginning of the conversation. 

 When she began to grow frustrated, Oliver stepped in, asking if they might not start on him.

 Turns out, it's a good thing they did.

 Apparently, using your body as a bridge for dark magic left your innards a veritable mess. 

 Madame Pomfrey spent the better part of an hour casting various healing spells and had prescribed a thick green healing potion to be taken twice daily for the next month. 

* * *

 

 "Lena?" Madame Pomfrey came through the curtain. "Could I speak with you?" At Lena's warm smile and small nod, The matron made herself comfortable. "I wanted to do this while Oliver was otherwise distracted." The sound of the shower could be heard from Lena's bed. "There are a few things, actually. First off, you do know that your heart has been damaged, right?" Lena nodded. "No dear, I don't think you understand. You will have to be very careful from now on. Any excessive strain could cause your heart to seize up. I would recommend avoiding high stress careers and never getting pregnant." She advised. When Lena gave her a startled look, she elaborated. "The strain of childbirth would likely kill you." Her tone was sympathetic and soothing. Again, Lena nodded calmly. It was a disappointment, but there were other means of having a family, if that's even what she decided she wanted. The matron cleared her throat to regain her attention. "There's something else I wish to discuss with you. Oliver... his mind was affected by the spell. That much dark magic pouring through him, not to mention having to immediately dive into your mind to retrieve you... He didn't quite come out of this ordeal whole. Now, I've heard from a very reliable source that you have a habit of dosing his tea with various potions. I was wondering if I couldn't convince you to add one to your arsenal?" Lena motioned for her to continue. "It's designed to elevate one's mood. Just slip him one if you sense him getting a bit...dreary. it'll help him cope." Lena nodded her agreement. "Wonderful! I'll have a house elf deliver a batch to you at the start of next week, send word whenever you run low." She stood to leave as the noise from the shower stopped. "Oh and Lena? Don't be shy about taking one yourself." And with that, the matron dimmed the lights and retreated to her rooms for the night.   


	18. Think Me Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads this mess!  
> Cee, the bookmark was appreciated (it's easier to read on here but I support your copy and paste methods :p )  
> ColeyandCo, even with all the crazy, you find time to read and leave me kind words and constructive criticism. You are every writer's wet dream <3

 Lena was surprised when she and Oliver were discharged the next morning.

 "Isn't much I can do for you here. Your injuries are going to take time and you'll go stir crazy if I keep you couped up." Madame Pomfrey had reasoned, handing them various potions and reminding them they had standing Monday appointments for check-ups.

 Gaius had been hovering since Lena woke up, and she could tell he was chewing on something. He finally spit it out as Percy was carrying Lena to their rooms.

 "I had hoped we could talk before I leave tonight." He requested quietly from her right.

 "Of course, let me get settled in and we'll head to my room for a chat." She agreed, no point avoiding the inevitable. She was sick of running away.

* * *

 

 "Out with it then." Lena commanded as she staggered across the room, Percy's arms extended, ready to catch her at a moment's notice.

 "Wait! Just get to the bed and I'll go! I don't think I need to be in here for this." Percy rushed out.

 After everyone was settled in, Gaius and Lena stared at one another for several long minutes. 

 "You're different." Gaius began.

 Lena just stared. She could not, for the life of her, think of a response that would sound even remotely sincere. 

 "I don't know what to do with that. You've been little Lenny for so long. The cold, proper, debutante. I've been watching you with them. The way you always reach for Percy, how you soothe Reese, and take care of Oliver. How am I supposed to reconcile that? You're two different people. Has it always been this way? Have I just been missing this whole other half of you? Because I'm at a loss Lena." He admitted, dropping his head into his hands. "And I don't like this. I don't like you spending all your time with men. I'll never be able to make a proper match for you. You'll end up married to a Bones for Merlin's sake!" Gaius seemed to catch his mistake just a moment too late as Lena's eyes narrowed to a bone chilling glare.

 "I assure you Gaius that there is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying a Bones. Nothing. In fact, I would be honoured. Not that my marriage is any of your concern. I spent 16 years agreeing to be married off like one would sell a prized show pony. I am 17 and I can assure you I am quite finished. I do not wish to marry some cold Pureblood who cares more about his bloodline, and his appearance than he does about me. I have no desire to live out my days lonely, in a manor large enough to get lost in for a week. I do not wish to spend my time planning parties and hosting tea and having to concern myself with idle gossip and trivial feuds. I finally have a say, Gaius, and I'm putting my foot down! I'll marry whom I please, or perhaps I won't at all but it will be my decision on my terms!" Lena spat.

 "This is what I'm talking about! They've changed you! You never would have shouted at me like that a year ago!" 

"Do not blame them Gaius! They did not change me, they saved me! I went through a war! I almost died a dozen times over and I am so sick and fucking tired of living my life to suit everyone else's purposes! I want a chance to live for myself! Just, Please give this to me!" Oliver came waltzing in at Lena's raised voice.

 "You need to calm down. You just got out of hospital, love." He turned to Gaius. "If you keep upsetting her, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. She doesn't need the stress right now."

 Lena looked up at her brother. "I do not want to fight, darling. Please trust me. Can you do that? Just trust me. I know who I am, I will not forget where I came from, and I would never shame the family. But I need to do this. I need to live and figure out what I want. So please, please, let me have this." She pled.

 Gaius heaved a weary sigh, before standing. "Be careful." He dropped a kiss to her forehead. "I'll see you at Yule." 

* * *

 It felt sort of like before. Lena, Oliver, and Percy were all spread out on the bed. Dozing and chatting and just soaking up the company of one another.

 "What were you and Gaius shouting about?" Percy asked, turn his head so he was looking at Lena.

 "He's...confused about the changes he's seen in me. I'm lucky it was him that came and not Amelia." 

 "Amelia?" Oliver inquired from somewhere near her ribcage.

 "Her older sister. Married a Malfoy two years back." Percy supplied.

 "How come he knew that and I didn't?" Oliver demanded.

 "We've spent more time together. What do you think we do at night when we can't sleep? We talk. Trade stories of our childhood, the whole bit." Lena replied, shrugging.

 "Aren't you curious about my life. You know, siblings and all that?" 

 Lena gave Oliver an amused look. "You have two siblings, both older. Your brother is deceased, your sister eloped with one of the higher ups from the NWO she met while backpacking through Wales. You have seven cousins, none of which you have ever been particularly close to as your mam wasn't overly fond of her family. Your paternal grandparents were your favorite and you spent many of your summer's with them in London. Did I miss anything?" She asked cheekily.

 "How did you...?" Oliver gaped at her.

 "She's Sherlock Holmes, mate. Best get used to it." Percy dead panned, startling a laugh from the other two.

 "We really need to think about letting Reese in here." Lena said suddenly.

 "I'm not even anywhere near ready to deal with him." Oliver responded. Percy remained oddly quiet.

 "Percy? Anything you'd like to add?" Lena nudged his side.

 "We snogged." 

 Lena sat up so quickly her head spun and she grabbed onto Oliver to steady herself. "You _what_?!" She demanded.

 "We snogged." He repeated, refusing to look at the other two.

 "Oh that's bloody brilliant, the little shit!" Oliver spat.

 "Hold on!" Lena raised a slim hand to silence everyone as Percy opened his mouth. She looked over at him. "You have thirty seconds. Explain." 

 "It was a few days after you were attacked. Madame Pomfrey was making me do these mobility exercises since the cutting hex sliced through a lot of the tissue and muscle in my shoulder. Well, I needed some help stretching it and he offered... we were talking about you and how scared we were and I started crying. You looked awful, Princess and... I don't know, it just sort of happened." He shrugged, keeping his eyes firmly on his lap.

 "Who kissed who?" Lena demanded.

 "He kissed me." Percy replied immediately.

 "And then what happened?" Oliver inquired.

 "Well, it went on for a bit. Then he said he had to go take care of something. When I went to grab food from the kitchens a while later, I found him and Jack wrapped around each other in an alcove. I've pretty much been avoiding him since." Percy finally looked up with wet chocolate eyes.

 "Oh dearheart!" Lena sighed, gathering him to her. "I'll have a chat with him, yeah?"

 "Fuck that, I'll kill him! Who the hell does he think he is??"

 "Would you stop it! He's confused. We're all doing the best we can! And if this is how he copes, then I don't care if he bangs all of gay London, as long as he's happy at the end of the day. But jerking you around isn't alright and we'll have a talk. But I think it's time, Percy. You have to let go love." Lena responded, kissing Percy's hair.

 "How?" He looked, for all the world, lost.

 


	19. From Midnight to Full Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, for reading and being great.  
> ColeyandCo, take a deep breath, your week will get better, everything will be okay, I promise <3 here, have another chapter.

 "Percy."

 "Mmmph."

 "Percy."

 "G'way."

 "Percy!"

 "What th'fuck do you want?"

 "I have to pee."

 "Lena. It's not even five am."

 "I held it as long as I could! Please, Percy! I'm not great with the cane yet and I don't want to make a mess!"

 "The bloody things I do for you, Princess."

 "You think I'm enjoying this? It's humiliating!"

 "No. Taking a shower is going to be humiliating. This is nothing."

* * *

  "Lena isn't allowed to drink anything past seven pm anymore." Percy announced as he dumped the petite teen on the couch. She smacked him soundly before sticking her tongue out at him.

 Olive glanced up with an amused smirk. "Midnight bathroom breaks?"

 "Half four in the bloody morning!" Percy shouted as he headed to the kitchen. "You want eggs or porridge with your toast, Princess?"

 "Porridge. And could I have some tea, also?" 

 "Always so bloody demanding!"

 "Don't make me wack you with my cane!"

 "You two are like bloody children!" Oliver chuckled, amused by their antics.

 The bickering went on for the majority of the morning, until Percy had to leave for class.

 "So." Lena turned sideways on the couch, tucking her feet underneath Oliver's leg to keep her toes warm. "How are you?"

 "Brilliant." Oliver dead panned, giving Lena a half smile.

 "Don't be an arse, it isn't necessary. Talk to me, what's going on in that gorgeous brain of yours?" She prompted, folding her arms over her bent knees.

 "Not much. Have to get this essay done by tomorrow." He looked back to the parchment perched on the book in front of him.

 Lena surreptitiously flicked her wand, sending Oliver's essay and text book soaring to her bedroom. "Alright, hard way it is then."

 "Oi! I was working on that!" Oliver protested.

 "Yes. I saw that. And now you aren't. So, how about a chat?" Lena smiled sweetly.

 "There isn't anything to talk about." He replied stubbornly.

 "Other than the fact that you're practically the only surviving member of your family with your wits intact?" Lena prodded callously. 

 She watched as Oliver's jaw clenched, sharpening his features almost handsomely. She gave him some space, knowing not to push any further just yet. When she saw the first glint of moisture soften his hazel eyes, she opened her arms. He practically tackled her, Lena ending up on her back, legs tented on either side of Oliver's hips. He just borrowed his face into her neck and clung to her slender frame. Well muscled arms squeezed around her ribcage. 

 Lena rubbed his back, ran her fingers through his hair, made soothing noises; but mostly, she let him cry it out. Knew there was nothing for this, that grief has to run its course.

 After about two hours of gross sobbing and desperate sounding gasps, Oliver lay, still on top of Lena. His head rested on her diaphragm, rising and falling with each slow breath. Her slender fingers played through his hair, making him sleepy. 

 His last thoughts before giving into the soft darkness was about how nice it felt to let someone else be the strong one for awhile.

* * *

 "Well if you two don't look down right cozy!" Percy whispered, mindful of, a still sleeping, Oliver.

 Lena flew the Keeper the two finger salute. "We talked a little bit about his family." She murmured, running her fingers through Oliver's hair absently.

 "How's he doing?" 

 "As well as can be expected. He mostly cried today, but we'll get there." She assured.

 "Could we talk later?" Percy asked as he stacked all her missed work on the coffee table.

 "Of course. What's up?" She placed a concerned hand on his arm.

 "Nothing. I just... there's something I need to tell you." 

 "You're worrying me, Percy. Are you okay?"

 "I will be."

* * *

 "Ready to head back to class tomorrow?" Percy asked as he sat beside the bathtub; they discovered yesterday that showers were a ridiculous and futile effort.

 "Yes. I don't like sitting around. It's going to be a bitch getting caught back up, but that's one of the perks of living with a Ravenclaw." Lena leaned forward to grab the hairbrush on the ledge.

 "You have that meeting with the Headmistress tomorrow." Percy reminded her.

 "Oh! Right. I really hope this memory thing isn't permanent. You and Oliver will accompany me, right?" She was really beginning to get frustrated with her lack of short term memory. She had never forgotten an appointment before in her life.

 "Yeah, we have to decide whether or not we're pressing charges." 

 "Well, I say yes. At least against Matthias, Marina, and Mildred." Lena replied.

 "And they're the siblings, right? The tall bloke and the twins?" Percy asked.

 "Yes." She confirmed.

 "Any idea why they targeted you?" 

 "I killed their brother, Marcus, during the final battle."

 "You what?" Percy exclaimed.

 "I killed him. Potter was running around like a headless horseman and Marcus was waiting for him at the end of one of the secret passages. Right as Potter came from around the curtain, I sent the killing curse at Flint." She explained in a borderline bored manner.

 "You saved Potter's skin?" Percy demanded, incredulous.

 "No. I merely bought him some time. Marcus would have dragged him the The Dark Lord, and we all know Potter ended up there anyway. It's not a huge deal." Lena responded calmly. "Besides, Marcus was a creep. I did the world a favor, to be honest."

 They both fell silent or awhile, lost in their own thoughts.

 "What was it you wished to speak to me about?" Lena asked suddenly.

 "Oh. Uh." Percy rubbed the back of his neck roughly. "I just- you said you watched your dad being tortured to death."

 Lena stiffened slightly. "Yes."

 "I just wanted you to know I'm sorry you had to see that. No one deserves to have to watch something like that, especially so young, especially when they love that person." Percy told her sincerely, looking up to connect heir gazes. "I don't know if anyone ever told you that, but I'm sorry. And if you need to talk about anything, I'm here."

 Lena felt moisture gather on the rims of her eyes before breaking free and chasing down her cheeks. No one had ever offered sympathy for what had happened, and she had fooled herself into thinking she didn't need it. How very wrong she had been.

 That night they clung to one another in their too big bed, drawing warmth and comfort. Feeling a love and affection that had become so rare in the light of war. But it was there, and it belonged to them.

 

 


	20. Somewhere Only We Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who gives this mess a shot!  
> I know I've mentioned it, and up until now it's been mostly vague, but we're going to be diving into some pretty deep psychological issues. There will be some potentially triggering situations, and I want everyone to be prepared. If you read this and feel like anything needs a specific warning, please drop me a line and let me know. The last thing I want is to hurt anyone.  
> ColeyandCo, for continuing to be wonderful and helpful and lovely. You seriously make my day, all the time! <3

 Lena wondered why it took her so long to notice. Perhaps she had spent too much time away from her house, but she had always prided herself on being observant. 

 Of course, she had known he was fidgety, but he was also a Quidditch player. She just figured it was all the pent up energy in between matches. 

 Now that all Lena could do in the evenings was sit (she still wobbled drunkenly when moving about, and she abhorred the cane) she had much more opportunity to observe, and some of the things she noticed alarmed her. 

 She knew Reese suffered from shell shock. He had these...episodes where he would be forced into a flashback so all consuming it affected him physically. She would sit and soothe him as best she could, but mostly they just had to wait it out and keep a close eye to make sure he didn't slip into any sort of psychosis. He used sexual gratification to ease his guilt and grief, burying it in another's body.

  Oliver was obviously stuck somewhere in the grief process, battling a self harm addiction he'd had since the middle of the war. Trying desperately to feel anything that wasn't pain and aching loneliness. Lena had seen the silvery white scars when he helped her in the kitchen a few weeks ago, but had refrained from commenting. If it got him through the day, it was best left alone for now.

 Lena herself knew she had a near crippling case of depression, and her level of emotional repression was borderline psychotic. She smoked in some sort of fit of self punishment, battled anxiety attacks at least twice a week, and was unable to sleep soundly when it was dark.

 Honestly, they all suffered from a certain level of insomnia. It wasn't uncommon to get up for a glass of water in the middle of the night and find one, or both, of the others sitting around the fire.

 But Percy had always seemed like the most stable of them. The least affected. The strong one. Always good for a joke or a cuddle. He was dependable. Frustrated? Yes. Angry at the world? At this point, who wasn't? But he didn't seem to struggle like the others did. He was always their rock. 

 And Lena was content to believe that some people just handled war better than others, until she noticed.

 She had been sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, copying Oliver's Charms essay while the radio played, when she saw it.

 Percy was rearranging the quills on the coffee table. His hands making and remaking shapes.

 "Percy? Have you seen Reese recently?" Oliver called from the door way, balancing three cups of tea.

 Lena watched curiously as Percy tapped his palm three times before answering. 

 She watched him closely for the rest of the night, realizing that he had a different sign when he spoke about each of them. For Oliver, he tapped his wrist thrice, for Lena he discretely tapped below his left eye. Then she realised he did everything in threes. Three sips from his cup before it was replaced on the table, his nails passed over his jaw three times before dropping back to his lap where his fingers twined and released thrice before settling. 

 She knew what this was. A form of panic disorder where the person would form rituals to help cope with their anxiety. 

 Lena experimentally reached over to take his hand, breaking a ritual mid-pattern. She felt his tense, squeezing her hand affectionately before pulling back. Lena held fast, pulling his hand toward her lap. He pulled more violently, she could feel the panic rolling off him in waves. She used the momentum to pull herself over his lap. 

 "Shhhh. The world isn't going to end just because you didn't finish, darling." Lena shushed, cradling his face between her palms.

Percy jerked violently. "I don't-" he began to deny, but Lena cut him off.

 "Do not lie to me. It may have taken me awhile to realise, and for that I'm sorry, but we're going to fix it. I promise. It'll be okay."

 Percy kept shaking his head and tugging at the wrists Lena had trapped at his side. 

 "Sweetheart, you have to know that these rituals aren't really helping anything. They aren't preventing another war or warding off bad luck. There is absolutely nothing you can do." Lena reasoned.

 "STOP! STOP IT GET OFF ME! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" He roared, throwing Lena off his lap.

 Oliver grabbed her just in time, cradling her head where it had come mere inches from bouncing off the coffee table. 

 "What the fuck is going on in here?" Oliver pulled Lena up, supporting the majority of her weight.

 Percy rushed to his feet, pulling Lena into a crushing hug.

 "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." He mumbled into her hair, cradling her head with exaggerated gentleness.

 "Do not apologize to me, Perseus. That was my fault. I shouldn't have pushed so far as quickly as I did. You merely reacted. Do not apologize." She leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Let's go to bed, okay? You can explain it to me."

* * *

  "Does it help?" Lena asked sometime later, her body curled against Percy's side.

 "Not in the way you're probably thinking. It gives me a measure of control, I think. The anxiety makes me feel useless, and stuck, and helpless. The rituals... they make me feel like I'm doing something. I don't really know how to explain it to you." Percy's voice was low and weary.

 "Do they make you feel better?"

 "No. But they distract me from it."

 "From what?"

 "Everything."

* * *

  Lena and Oliver were working on their Veritaserum during potions the following morning. Well, Oliver was working, Lena was sat on a stool reading off directions and preparing ingredients.

 "You going to tell me what last night was all about?" Oliver finally asked as he added the crushed unicorn horn.

 "Percy is more damaged than previously believed and I went too far in a misguided attempt to help him." Lena summarized as she pulverized the Beladona. 

  "Damaged how?" Oliver asked.

 "An acquired panic disorder, usually developed after a traumatic experience, where one creates rituals to gain a sense of control over their near constant state of anxiety." Lena explained.

 "Oh. You mean how he does everything by threes." Oliver seemed unconcerned as he added Dragon Hearstring.

 "That doesn't concern you?" Lena asked incredulously.

 "Does it get him through the day? Then why fix it?" Oliver reasoned.

 "Because it's an obsessive behavior and that isn't healthy. He's feeding the anxiety instead of working on positive coping strategies." Lena argued.

 "Lena. We're all pretty well fucked, love. How are we supposed to teach him positive coping strategies when we ourselves don't employ them? Seems a little hypocritical."

 But something about Percy's disorder made Lena uneasy. He was being consumed by these rituals. They constantly circled his brain. Wasn't that maddening?

 Then again, weren't they all a little mad? 

 


	21. You're Still Searching for Something That Shines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, to anyone who reads.  
> Sorry for the delay, life got gross this weekend.  
> ColeyandCo: for being encouraging and lovely and fantastic <3
> 
> Oh, translations for all French is in the end notes. Expect mistakes, my French is a little rusty.
> 
> P.s. I teared up writing this. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

 Oliver woke up Saturday to the sound of someone shouting. 

 No, not someone. Lena.

 And she didn't appear to be shouting in English.

 "Pourquoi est-il toujours ma putain de faute? Je veux juste une chance! Juste un putain de chance équitable à la vie! Sans un mari et un devoir! Est-ce trop demander?"

 Was that fucking _French_?! Since when the hell did Lena speak- 

 Pureblood. Right. She probably spoke several languages.

 Oliver stumbled out of bed and ambled towards Lena's room, pushing the door open without any preamble. He paused a moment to take in the scene.

 Lena was pacing the room in nothing but one of Percy's old Quidditch shirts, her long pale legs striding purposefully across the soft area rug. She was clutching a piece of parchment in one hand and furiously swiping tears off her cheeks with the other.

 And even though she was spitting out what he could only assume were obscenities with enough venom to eat through concrete, tears streaming down pale skin, body language seven shades distraught; the only thing Oliver could think to say was:

 "You're balance is back to normal."

 Lena spun towards the doorway. "Merci pour cette évaluation brillant." She spat.

 Oliver was trying to figure out how she managed to sound scathing and superior and sarcastic _even when speaking a foreign fucking language._

"Okay, yeah, stupid. Right. Wanna tell me what the hell has you so riled?" Oliver tried again.

 "Je viens de recevoir une lettre de-"

 "English, Lenny. I don't speak fluent French." Oliver chided.

 "I got a letter from Amelia. Apparently she and Mercury have found me another suitor. Gaius told them about how- and I quote- 'out of hand' I've become. Out of hand? Can we- il suffit de parler sur le fait qu'ils pensent me trouver enfin une certaine liberté putain c'est ce qu'ils considèrent comme de la main?!" Her English came out forced and broken before she devolved back into french. She spluttered on for several minutes, her perfectly accented voice fracturing the beautiful language into something angry and ugly. 

 "Lenny, you need to calm down. Please, for the love of Morgana, chill out!" Oliver shouted, stalking over to snatch the parchment from his out-of-sorts friend.

Dearest Lena,

 Gaius has told us of your recent visit to the hospital wing. I cannot say I am surprised you were attacked. In fact, I am shocked it did not happen sooner. I warned you what choosing sides would get you. It would appear I was correct.

 He also had a few interesting things to say about the company you have been keeping. Three men? All from different houses? Do you have any idea what people will say when they find out? You are disgracing yourself, Lena. You have gotten completely out of hand. Lucky for you, Mercury knows a young Pureblood heir who is searching for a wife. I have taken the liberty of writing his father about a possible match. You are expected at their home for dinner on December 28th. I will accompany you to make sure the contract is fair and the bonding ceremony is performed properly.

 Do not worry, little one, I have everything under control. You will thank me once this is all over.

I Will See You at Yule,

Amelia Malfoy 

 "Well fuck." Oliver muttered, scanning the letter again. "Have you sent a letter to Gaius yet? He'll get you out of this."

 "You don't understand." Percy piped up for the first time as Lena resumed muttering obscenities in French. "Amelia has already announced a formal meeting. There isn't anything to be done. She has to go or face disgracing the family name and ruining any chance of marriage."

 "So you have to go, you have dinner, maybe a chat, then tell him you're not interested and apologize for wasting his time." Oliver reasoned.

 "You are assuming I have a choice. I do not." Lena finally stopped, sitting on the floor and drawing her knees to her chest. Her voice was soft and sad.

 "You always have a choice!" Oliver argued.

 Lena shook her head sadly. "No. Not always. This matter is out of my hands. If Amelia has set up a formal bond meeting, that means Gaius has given her permission as heir to the Grey fortune and name, to make decisions in my and the families best interest. It would be his job to find me a husband, which is why I appealed to him while he was here. I should have known better. He gave me his word he would not force me to marry, he didn't promise he wouldn't give someone else permission to."

 Oliver felt sick. Couldn't they just leave her the hell alone for once!? Hadn't she been through enough? Hadn't she _given_ enough? For seventeen years she had been their perfect little debutant. Never a foul word, never a missed step. Fuck, she had been engaged since she was three! Her life had been planned out before she could even walk, let alone voice any displeasure. But she had kept her head down, done as was expected of her. Spent years studying and practicing and learning to be a perfect wife. Spent over a decade learning to love the man that had been chosen for her. How much more could they ask? Years and years of giving them every piece of herself, years of molding herself into exactly who they wanted her to be and they couldn't give her just a little fucking time to sort herself out. She lost everything, and yet they're still demanding more. 

 As Oliver watched Lena dissolve into heart wrenching sobs, he wondered how much the poor girl had left to give.

* * *

 Oliver, Lena, and Percy spent Saturday wrapped around one another in the big bed. Lena was nestled in between the two boys, drawing comfort from the closeness. 

 Oliver was spooned up behind her, one arm curled around her middle (underneath Percy's), the other serving as a pillow. 

 "Feeling any better?" He murmured into her hair after several hours of silence.

 Lena felt empty as she nodded. She had cried for hours, gasping and desperate. Even now, every time she swallowed her chest would spasm. That hadn't happened since she was a child. She felt, albeit distantly, the burn of shame at her breakdown. She hadn't cried like that in a very long time.

 And then the disgust hit her. 

 She hadn't cried like that when Theo died. Not as she watched housemates and friends fall. She hadn't broken down when the Dark Lord had forced himself on her. Not when her father had been murdered right in front of her.

 But she had over something as silly as having to get married. It's not like it was a new concept! She had grown up her entire life being groomed to marry straight out of Hogwarts. There had never been a choice. So why was being deprived of one now bothering her so much?

 Because she had gotten a taste of what her life could have been.

* * *

 

 Sunday morning found Lena in the kitchen making banana pancakes, eggs, and sausage. She had a pot of coffee percolating hoping the smell would draw the other two out of bed.

 She felt better today. She marvelled at how easy it had been to slip back into her old self. And, really, it was better this way. She was a Pureblood, there were expectations. She had been selfish in thinking she could choose. She had a responsibility to her family.

 The coffee seemed to work as Percy wondered in, blurry eyed to grab a mug some ten minutes later.

 He propped his chin on Lena's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her waist, watching as she carefully monitored the three hot pans she had on the stove. 

 Lena selfishly allowed herself to enjoy the easy affection, knowing it would be the last she would have for a very long time. Perhaps forever. She had no faith her new fiancè would ever be comfortable or warm enough to hold her like this. She was going to take it while she could.

 When Oliver wandered in, shirtless and damp from a shower, Lena had just finished plating breakfast. She gave her wand an absent wave to send the plates over to the small table as she poured coffee for the three of them.

 "How are you feeling?" Oliver asked, his voice rough from sleep, as he gave the simple, floor length dark silver gown she wore a once over. He noted the clean chignon and elegant make-up in the same, sweeping glance. A knot formed in his stomach. This was not good. Very, very not good. She never wore that stuff around them. Fuck, they were lucky if she even had pants on when they ate breakfast. They had all long since gotten comfortable with one another in various states of undress. He knew Lena and Percy were frequently in the bathroom together, working around one another to get ready in the morning. There was a measure more decorum between himself and her, being that he was straight. She always made sure she was modestly covered, Percy's shirts stopping mid thigh on her. And she always sat with her legs crossed, eliminating any worry of accidentally flashing someone. The fact that she was dressed like that, when Oliver knew for a fact she hated those dresses, couldn't mean anything good. His suspicions were confirmed a moment later when she answered him with a simple "fine" in a cold aristocratic drawl. Her accent had always bespoke of a certain status and bred elegance, but she had long since lost the sharp edges and chilly tones when speaking to them.

 Oliver could feel his best friend slipping through his fingers and he could do fuck all about it.

 One look at Percy told him he wasn't the only one thinking it. The Quidditch Keeper was looking at Lena with so much sadness, Oliver thought his heart might break.

 They were powerless. Lena had already told them there was nothing they could do about the situation, and encouraging her to rebel would only end up getting her hurt. Pureblood men weren't exactly known for their patience in regards to their wives, and Oliver wouldn't ever forgive himself if he caused Lena injury, even indirectly.

 It was with a deep ache in their chests, and lumps in their throats that they watched Lena leave the rooms an hour later. Her existence had been erased from the quarters, everything packed into her trunk then shrunk down magically for easy transport.  

* * *

 Lena kept her expression carefully blank as she walked out into the desolate corridor. 

 She was thankful her friends were so intelligent. She wasn't sure she could have gotten through an explanation of her leaving. As it was they had all remained silent as she packed, occasionally handing her something she had missed. There had been no begging or demands, no goodbyes or apologies. Just silence. 

 As Lena passed the third floor, she quite literally ran into Reese. She immediately zeroed in on the red, swollen eyes and dried tear tracks. His hands were shaky as he reached out to steady her. 

 "Fifth floor. Go down to the abandoned hall. On your right you will see an ornate mirror. Place your hand over your reflection's and say   _'Memento Vivere'._  Apologize for how you've treated them. Especially Percy. They'll set you right again." With a curt nod, Lena continued on her way, content in the knowledge that she had done all she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some translations (in order of appearance 
> 
> "Why is it always my fucking fault? I just want a chance! Just a fair fucking chance at life! Without a husband and a duty! Is that too much to ask?!"
> 
> "Thank you, for that brilliant assessment."
> 
> "I just got a letter from-"
> 
> "Can we just talk about the fact that me finally finding some fucking freedom is their idea of me getting out of hand?"


End file.
